Habits
by Indian Summer 2378
Summary: One and a half years after their return to Earth, Kathryn wants to renew her friendship with Chakotay and finds out that she doesn't know him as well as she thinks she does.
1. A (not so) unexpected visit

**Thank you for your help, KJaneway115! I don't know what I would do without you :)  
**

 **No copyright infringement intended.**

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A (not so) unexpected visit

It was early afternoon in San Francisco and the sun was shining brightly into the window of Kathryn Janeway's office when the voice from her aide came over the comm. "Admiral, there's someone here who wants to visit you," she said mysteriously and Kathryn could swear she said it with a wide smile.

She didn't ask who it was, she simply replied, "Let him in."

Laying her PADD on her desk, she sat up in her chair and was suddenly very excited. She hadn't seen him in months, since the first anniversary of Voyager's homecoming, but she had known he would show up eventually.

The door opened and a familiar face peeked inside but she didn't see what she was expecting. He looked different. His hair was longer, silver rather than black, and his skin was even more sun-kissed than usual.

"Kathryn," he greeted her and stayed at the door after taking a step inside.

"Chakotay," she said and rose. "It's good to see you."

"It's good to see you too," he said, but without mirroring her excitement.

She frowned a little at his lack of emotions and circled her desk.

"Kathryn, I brought someone with me. She wants to meet you."

Kathryn felt her face fell for a nanosecond before her Starfleet training kicked in and she gave him a nod. He turned to the other side of the door and when a little girl who looked exactly like Chakotay stepped in, Kathryn's mouth opened in surprise.

"This is Maya," Chakotay introduced her as the girl stood in front of his legs, visibly shy. "Maya, this is Kathryn."

"Hello," Kathryn smiled and squatted before her. "Nice to meet you."

Maya looked at Kathryn with wide brown eyes and didn't say a word.

"She's a little shy, the trip to San Francisco was very exciting," Chakotay explained. "We should give her some time."

Kathryn raised her head and nodded at Chakotay. She stood up and guided them to the sitting area. Chakotay sat on the couch and settled Maya in his lap.

"Do you want something to drink?" Kathryn asked.

"A glass of water would be nice, thanks."

"And you?" She looked at Maya.

The little, still frightened, girl answered what Kathryn interpreted as apple juice.

"Apple juice?" she asked to be sure and Maya nodded, shyly looking at her.

Kathryn fetched the drinks and sat down in a chair on the opposite site of the table.

"No coffee?" Chakotay asked surprised and pointed at Kathryn's glass of water.

"No coffee," she said with a wink. "I still drink it, I couldn't live without, but I've cut it back a lot."

"Wow, I never thought you could live with less than ten cups a day."

Kathryn knew he wanted to tease her but there was an undertone in his voice that confused her.

"I can do anything… if I want," she joked and waited for a playful response but didn't get one. "What are you doing at Headquarters?" she asked to fill the silence.

"We wanted to pay Daddy a visit at work, right?" He looked at Maya and she nodded. "And what's more important, my sister needed some time on her own."

Kathryn opened her mouth, and shut it again. "You are Sekaya's daughter, of course," she said in realization.

"Who did you think she was?"

"I didn't think about it at all," she shook her head and addressed Maya. "B'Elanna told me you played with Miral when they visited your uncle."

Maya nodded with a smile and her tension began to disappear.

"I'm glad you found the time to drop by and say hello."

"Actually, there's a reason why we're here. When we met Maya's father, Maya had the idea of also visiting a certain starship. She thought you might want to join us."

"A certain starship?" Kathryn raised an eyebrow, still looking at Maya. "What starship?"

A big grin emerged on the little girl's face. "Voyager."

" _Voyager_?" Kathryn scratched her chin, pretending to think. "I don't know a starship called Voyager," she said but Maya knew that Kathryn was teasing her and jumped off Chakotay's lap to run over to Kathryn's desk where the same Voyager picture stood that she had on her bedside table. She pointed at the framed picture she couldn't reach and Kathryn rose to take it from the desk.

"Voyager," Maya said and pointed at the picture.

"Ah, you mean Voyager!" Kathryn said, enlightened, and Maya giggled. Kathryn handed her the picture and the little girl walked proudly back to her uncle.

"So you want to visit Voyager?"

Maya nodded, holding the frame tight against her small chest. "Do you want to come with us?" she asked and put on her puppy face which, she knew, most adults couldn't resist.

"I would like to come with you," Kathryn smiled. "If it's okay with you," she addressed Chakotay.

"If it wasn't, we wouldn't be here," he assured her.

"I have to check my calendar first but it shouldn't be a problem."

"Great," he smiled a small smile and she still tried to put her finger on what was different about him.

She didn't have time to wonder now, and shortly, she sent her aide home and took the rest of the afternoon off.


	2. An unexpected invitation

An unexpected invitation

"Wait, wait, wait…," Kathryn yelled even if the person who was calling her couldn't hear her.

Hastily she threw the things she was carrying on the desk in her study and tapped the button on her console to open the link. "Yes?" she asked out of breath.

"Katie!" Maya's happy face greeted her.

"Maya, that's a surprise. How are you?" she asked and sat down.

"I'm very happy! You wanna know why?"

Kathryn stifled a grin. "Tell me."

"My birthday is in…," she looked uncertain to her side and Kathryn heard Sekaya whispering in the background, "…two weeks. I'll be five years old!" she exclaimed with her hand raised and five fingers up.

"Five years... no that can't be true!"

"It's true," Maya replied, proudly. "I want to invite you."

"Me? Oh, of course I will be there."

Maya started to beam and without another word she crawled off her chair and Kathryn heard her footsteps vanishing.

Laughing, Sekaya stepped into view. "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about," Kathryn laughed with her, happy to see Chakotay's sister.

"She is excited, she has to run to Chakotay and tell him," Sekaya rolled her eyes. "You really impressed her, she talks about you day in day out since she came back from San Francisco."

Kathryn felt a heat rising in her cheeks. "I didn't do anything special," she said and waved her hand dismissively. "We simply had fun that day."

"That's what Chakotay said too," Sekaya smiled. "Her birthday is Sunday in two weeks. She invited Miral with her parents, too, they're coming at about two in the afternoon but you can come earlier if you want."

"I don't know yet. Perhaps I will drive from Bloomington by hovercar."

"Oh yes, that isn't very far. Do you know where our modest, little village is?"

"Not exactly," Kathryn said, feeling embarrassed that she didn't know where her best friend lived.

"I'll send you the coordinates. We'll see you then," Sekaya smiled.

"Will do. Give Chakotay my regards."

Sekaya nodded and closed the link.

Kathryn sat back in her chair, the feeling of embarrassment still lingering. Why didn't she know where Chakotay lived?

He had told her that he moved to Ohio, to a small village near the Indiana border where his cousin and some of the survivors of his tribe, including Sekaya, lived. But he hadn't told her any specifics.

She had noticed that he hadn't been very forthcoming with telling her about his life. In fact, he hadn't been very talkative at all.

On Voyager they could talk about everything and nothing. She had loved their conversations, the attention they gave each other during those off hours they spent in each other's quarters. But when they had walked the familiar corridors the other day, it was strained, sometimes even awkward, and Kathryn had been glad Maya was with them. She loosened the atmosphere with her happy chattering and curiosity and Kathryn had the distinct feeling that Chakotay wouldn't have shown up in her office if Maya hadn't talked him into it.

She was glad they had, though, because even if he behaved different than she was used to, she still enjoyed his presence. She became aware of how much she missed him and wondered why she hadn't contacted him since the debriefings had ended.

If she was honest with herself, she knew the reason all too well. She was struggling with her own problems and hardly had time for anyone else.

Her struggle began with the debriefings. They were enduring and exhausting and had taken their toll on everyone, but she felt especially empty and tired when they were finally over. Starfleet had insisted that she go on a three months leave afterwards and she spent two weeks at her mother's house, thinking she would go insane. She couldn't sit around and do nothing. So she headed back to San Francisco, her leave of absence postponed for the time being.

She still felt tired and empty but she couldn't rest, couldn't shut down. She worked long hours, didn't give herself a pause to think back and she told herself that it had worked so far.

It hadn't, of course, and she felt the strain more and more each day.

To spend time with Chakotay had lightened her spirits and she felt better than she had since her departure from Voyager. The wish to renew their friendship, to get to know him again, learn about the life he lived now, grew in her and she decided that his niece's birthday was the best opportunity for a fresh start.


	3. Birthday party

Birthday party

Kathryn sat in her hovercar. Her feet stretched out, driving by autopilot and a gift on the passenger seat, she enjoyed the landscape. She started early to arrive before noon and noticed, pleased, that she was still in time, even if she had stopped more than once for coffee and cookies.

The view outside her window didn't change much. Farmland changed to woods and pastures and back to farmland and woods. Hills, some lower some higher, appeared and disappeared. This was the land where she had grown up and the reason why she took the hovercar rather than just beaming over. She wanted to see it, be a part of it.

Smiling, she felt excitement bubbling within her. She had looked forward to this day since she'd received the invitation, and she was glad that it had finally come. She would talk to Chakotay, see where he lived, meet his family and friends, and after the party she would ask him to re-establish their weekly dinner. That was the part of the day she looked forward to the most, to start rebuilding their friendship.

The screen showed her that she was only four miles away from her destination and she sat up and deactivated the autopilot. Coming to a crossroad, she had to turn right through a line of trees and, after a wide turn, she emerged from the trees and a hilly landscape appeared in front of her. She crossed a small river and embedded in fields and pastures, fifty, maybe some more, houses stood.

Impressed, she slowed down to take a closer look. On the fields, corn and grain grew, and on the pastures, cows, horses and sheep grazed leisurely. On the other side of the village was a small lake glistering in the bright sunlight. It was surrounded on two sides by a narrow wood and Kathryn could see a grassy shoreline on the other, a perfect bathing spot, completed by a wooden dock.

Some of the horses raised their heads when she drove along her pasture, and she began to understand why Chakotay had moved here. It was simply beautiful.

Closing in on the first houses, she decided to walk the remaining way. She parked her hovercar, grabbed her belongings and got out. Stretching her body, she inhaled the fresh air and a gentle breeze caressed her skin and lifted her hair. She sighed, pleased, and started to walk.

The whole atmosphere in the village was peaceful, and the people she passed on her way gave her a friendly greeting. She now knew why it was so different for Maya in San Francisco and on Voyager. Even if people were nice and friendly, too, most of them hurried along their way and stayed in their own thoughts. Here, it was different, more familiar, and Kathryn could easily imagine Chakotay among those people. He had the same calmness about him, a fact she always thought was vital for the well-being of the crew throughout their journey. And her own, not to forget. He had been her rock, a steady, calm presence beside her, sometimes even her conscience, and she didn't know what she would have done without him.

Unnoticed, she walked faster and thanks to Sekaya's specific explanation, Kathryn found the house of Sekaya and her family easily. It was a wonderful, two floored log cabin with a large porch in front, and Kathryn stopped for a moment to admire it. On the porch stood a small table next to a bench, and the house was surrounded by a well tended garden. Flowers and shrubs in full bloom exuded a scent that smelled of summer and Kathryn smiled. Sekaya's work, she thought.

Just when she was about to walk on, she heard a shriek and saw Maya running towards her.

"Katie!" Maya yelled and hugged Kathryn's leg.

"Hello Maya," Kathryn laughed and put her things to the ground to hug the girl properly. "Happy Birthday."

Maya smiled brightly at Kathryn until her gaze wandered to the wrapped package and she bit her lip, not daring to ask for the gift.

Kathryn saw her gaze and smiled. "This…" She tapped her fingers on the top of the large box. "…is for you. Let's walk to the house so you can unwrap it."

Beaming, Maya nodded and walked ahead. "Mommy! Katie is here!" she called out excitedly.

Chuckling, Kathryn picked up her things and followed her.

Instead of Sekaya, Chakotay came out of the door and Maya bounced up and down in front of him.

"Katie is here," she told him with a singing voice.

"I see her," he replied with a smirk, but it seemed forced to Kathryn. "Hi."

"Hello Chakotay," she smiled and he caught her off-guard when he leaned forward and gave her a hug.

He pulled away and she smiled awkwardly while he turned to his niece, unimpressed, like he touched her every day.

"I got another gift! It's from Katie."

Kathryn shook herself out of her reverie and handed Maya the gift. "I hope you'll like it," she winked.

Sitting down on the floor, Maya began to unwrap her gift at warp speed and Kathryn chuckled at her enthusiasm. She looked at Chakotay, but his expression was neutral and he kept his eyes on his niece. Before Kathryn could begin to worry, Sekaya stepped out of the house.

"Admiral! It's nice to see you."

"Likewise," Kathryn smiled at Sekaya and they shook hands. "But please call me Kathryn. I left the admiral at home."

Nodding, Sekaya returned her smile.

"You have a wonderful home," Kathryn observed.

"Thank you."

"Mommy!" Maya interrupted them excitedly. "This is Voyager!"

She raised the toy Voyager up in the air and Kathryn was happy that her gift was obviously appreciated.

"What do you say now?" Sekaya said.

"Thank you, Katie!" Maya said politely.

"You're welcome."

"Please don't call her 'Katie', Maya," Sekaya corrected her.

"Oh, that's okay. We agreed on that, didn't we?" Kathryn winked to the little girl.

"Yes, we did!"

"You know that this Voyager can fly?" Kathryn took the remote control out of the box and Maya's eyes widened. "Come on, I'll show you."

The stepped on the lawn and Kathryn showed Maya how to fly Voyager.

"Just watch out when Tom arrives," Kathryn said playfully when she gave the remote control to Maya. "If he gets his hands on this thing, you'll never get it back."

#

Kathryn helped Sekaya set large tables in the backyard. The two women had engaged into an easy conversation quickly while doing the last minute preparations and Kathryn was happy to get to know Sekaya better. They had met after Voyager's homecoming and Kathryn had instantly liked Chakotay's sister.

She wasn't surprised about that. Sekaya was very much like her brother, friendly, easy to talk to, sensitive, but with a wicked sense of humor. They laughed heartily more than once and when Sekaya went into the house to prepare the cake, Kathryn enjoyed the momentary silence and took in the sight of the beautiful garden.

Sekaya certainly had a hand for everything that grew. The backyard was a sea of colors and scents. Large fruit trees, apples, cherries and pears grew, and shrubs with various kinds of berries stood at the far end of the garden. The fruits and berries needed a couple more months to be fully ripe, but Kathryn could imagine how good they tasted. Her grandparents' garden was full of fruit trees, too, and she had loved to eat the ripe, fresh and juicy fruits as a child.

The sun stood high and it was getting warmer, but the tables and chairs stood between the trees, inviting the guests to settle in the cool shadows the leaves were forming.

Maya was picking flowers and Kathryn smiled when she saw her running towards her, the skirt of her dress flowing in the air.

"I have another," Maya called out excitedly.

"Beautiful," Kathryn said and put the flowers in a vase and placed it on the table. "One more and we're done."

Maya nodded and ran to the spot where the most beautiful flowers grew.

While Kathryn was happy to get to know Sekaya better and to meet her husband and Maya's father Phil, Chakotay was somewhat absent. No one seemed to mind, and Kathryn hadn't had the courage to ask where he was. She told herself to be patient, there would be plenty of time to talk to him that afternoon, but it wasn't easy. His strange behavior confused her, and she would like to talk to him sooner rather than later but he still hadn't shown up when the first guests arrived.

The garden filled with people and soon it seemed to Kathryn that the whole village was there. Maya received one gift after the other and Phil and Sekaya bustled around, offering their guests coffee and other beverages.

Kathryn stood at a secluded spot at the side, watching the scenery and looking out for Chakotay, but she still hadn't seen him. Her eyes fell on someone else, though, someone she also hadn't seen in a while.

"Admiral!" B'Elanna called out, surprised.

Kathryn smiled at her former chief engineer and her eyes got bright when she saw Miral standing on her own wobbly legs next to her mother, her tiny hand firmly in B'Elanna's. Tom appeared at his wife's side and waved at Kathryn. She waved back and the small family slowly made their way through the crowd.

"It's great to see you here," B'Elanna said when they came closer.

"It's great to see you, too," Kathryn smiled and they shared a friendly hug. "But please call me Kathryn. That's long overdue, don't you think?"

B'Elanna nodded and stepped aside so Tom could take Kathryn into a bear hug. "We missed you," he told her.

"I missed you, too," she said and he released her. "All of you," she added.

Miral looked with big brown eyes at Kathryn and pressed her body into her mother's leg.

"You don't even know me anymore, do you," Kathryn said, feeling a pang of remorse, and squatted down. "You've grown so much since the last time we saw each other."

"That's Kathryn," Tom said, kneeling down. "Do you remember Kathryn? She was Mommy's and Daddy's captain on Voyager."

Miral looked at her Daddy and shook her head.

"That's all right, Sweetie," Kathryn assured her. "We'll get to know each other. I promise."

Miral smiled a small smile, not in the slightest understanding what the adults were talking about.

"We would like to see you more often," B'Elanna said.

"We will," Kathryn promised and rose from the ground. "I'm sorry I wasn't around."

"It's all right. We all needed time to settle."

Settle, Kathryn thought and remembered that shortly after their arrival on Earth she decided to give Chakotay and everyone else of their crew a call when she had settled. But that never happened because, even though she had a new apartment, a new rank and a new job, the feeling of being home still eluded her.

Miral tugged at B'Elanna's hand when she saw the other children. "Go play?" she asked with a small voice.

"Yeah come, Sweetie, we'll go play," Tom picked her up. "See you later, Kathryn."

"We'll do."

"I must say that I didn't expect you to be here," B'Elanna said when Tom and Miral had left them alone.

"Maya invited me."

"You know her?"

"She and Chakotay visited me two weeks ago."

"In San Francisco?" B'Elanna asked, visibly surprised.

"Yes."

"He didn't tell me." She shook her head. "He's behaving strangely since he moved here."

Kathryn looked at B'Elanna from the side. "You noticed it, too?"

"Of course. He is…"

"Quiet."

"I wanted to say hiding."

"Hiding?"

"Since he moved here, he is isolating himself."

"He has contact with you and Tom…"

A fire entered B'Elanna's eyes. "Because I push him, I force him to. He would never do it on his own."

Kathryn frowned. "That is indeed odd. Is he in contact with anyone else from Voyager's crew?"

"Not that I know of. That's why I was surprised when you said he visited you."

"To tell the truth, I think it was Maya's idea. I doubt he would have shown up if it weren't for her."

"Well, no matter what brought you here, I'm glad."

"Yes, me too," Kathryn smiled.

"Oh no, what did he do now?" B'Elanna exclaimed when she saw Miral crying and Tom looking suspiciously innocent.

"I have to go," she said and rushed to her husband and daughter.

Chuckling, Kathryn watched B'Elanna scolding Tom and soothing Miral. She was unbelievably proud of what they'd become and looked forward to take their relationship on a new level. Friendship.

Thinking of friendship, she began looking for Chakotay once more. While doing so, her eyes fell on a woman who gave Maya another gift. Maya smiled brightly and to Kathryn's surprise, Chakotay stepped out of nowhere beside the woman and tugged at her arm. She smiled affectionately at him and he pointed in Kathryn's direction. Before Kathryn could react, the awfully good looking woman looked her in the eyes and smiled at her. Taken aback, Kathryn returned her smile. As the two made their way over she ran her hands down her waist and was suddenly nervous and felt old and unattractive.

"Kathryn, this is Sonora," Chakotay introduced her. "Sonora this is Kathryn. She was my captain on Voyager."

"Hello, nice to meet you," Sonora reached out her hand and Kathryn shook it automatically.

"Nice to meet you," she said in return.

While Kathryn had one of the most strained and unpleasant conversations of her life, B'Elanna had brought order into chaos at the other side of the garden. Miral started to play with some of the other children and Tom inspected the gift table.

"Oh, a miniature Voyager!" he exclaimed enthusiastically when he found Maya's gift from Kathryn. "Can it can fly?"

"Yes, but Katie says you're not allowed to play with it," Maya said.

"Katie doesn't have to know."

"She said if you play with it you won't give it back to me."

Tom bended down. "Katie was teasing you. I would never take your gift. If you let me fly it, I could teach you some tricks though."

"Uh-huh." Maya nodded, excited. "But if you don't give it back afterwards, I'll tell Uncle Chakotay," she warned him, just to be sure.

"I don't want to get into trouble with your Uncle Chakotay," Tom said, trying to hide his amusement. "But I would give it back to you no matter what."

Convinced, Maya handed him the remote control. "Show me!"

In no time, Tom had Voyager up in the air and did daring maneuvers to the children's, and obviously his own, delight.

#

In the evening, the party guests sat under the trees, chatting with each other and eating Sekaya's wonderful food.

Kathryn stood at the buffet table, impressed by the variety of dishes and had trouble deciding what to take.

Phil joined her and chuckled, "Problems?"

"You could say so," she laughed. "Everything looks so delicious, I don't know what to take."

"Take a bit of everything," he suggested and filled his plate.

She thought it was a good idea and started with small portions of three different salads.

When their plates were filled, they walked to a table and sat down.

"It's great you had time to come today. Chakotay told us a lot about you."

Surprised, Kathryn looked at Phil. The way Chakotay acted around her, she didn't think he would talk about her at all. "He did?"

"Yes," Phil nodded.

"Did he also tell you about our time in the Delta Quadrant?" she asked, curious.

"Sometimes. But not often. If you ask me, I think he's still trying to get over it, to work it out."

Kathryn knew that feeling all too well. She, too, still tried hard to come to terms with their journey.

"He tells Maya stories about it, though," Phil went on.

"About Voyager?"

"Yes. Bedtime stories about the heroic Captain Janeway and her intrepid starship."

Kathryn smiled, touched. "That's why she was so intimidated."

"She was intimidated?" Phil asked surprised.

"Very."

"She was bouncing when Chakotay agreed to ask you to join them."

"So it was really her idea?"

"It was." He looked at her. "I don't know what Chakotay is telling her about you but she adores you."

" _She_ is adorable."

"She is," he agreed and smiled proudly like only a father could.

Kathryn smiled absently but it vanished when she saw Chakotay sitting with his back to her and she was reminded that they hadn't shared two words that day. "You're in Starfleet, aren't you?" she asked to distract herself and started to eat.

"I am. I'm working at Communications."

"How did you meet Sekaya?"

"I was a commander aboard a science vessel when the attack on Dorvan happened. We escorted inhabitants and families that were on Earth back to the planet."

"Sekaya was among them?"

"Yes. She was here, visiting relatives, when the Cardassians attacked. I instantly liked her, but it wasn't the right time and we lost each other when she left the ship. I never forgot her, though, and when I heard that Voyager was lost in the Delta Quadrant and that her brother was aboard, I tried to find her. It didn't take long. She had settled here. We had a few dates and I knew I never wanted to be apart from her again. And when Maya happened..." He smiled. "…I wanted to stay planetside to be with my family. Luckily I got an assignment at Headquarters quickly."

"You still commute to San Francisco every day?"

"I do. Many people work somewhere else."

Kathryn got quiet. If so many people worked elsewhere, why had Chakotay resigned from Starfleet right after the debriefings? He could have lived here while working in San Francisco.

She would love to ask Phil what Chakotay did nowadays but was ashamed that she didn't know.

"Did Chakotay tell you that he is helping in the construction of our new transporter station?" Phil said as if he could read her mind.

"No, he didn't."

"It's going to be in our new public house."

"Are you going to build it all on your own?"

"We are."

"Impressive."

"On Dorvan the people needed to care for themselves. They didn't stop when they moved here."

"I noticed that you have a strong community."

Phil glanced around. "That's right. The survivors of Dorvan V share a very close bond."

Kathryn nodded thoughtfully. "I can imagine."

"What about you? Are you happy with your new job?"

"To be honest, it's quite a change from being a captain, being out there, to sit behind a desk and do paperwork all day."

"You're bored," Phil pointed out playfully.

"Yes," she chuckled but there was a hint of bitterness in her voice.

"Thought about doing something else?"

"Not really," Kathryn poked her food with her fork.

"Perhaps you just need time to adjust."

"Yeah, could be," she said quietly. "It's hard to come back after seven years in the Delta Quadrant."

"Yes," he said but paused. "I mean I have no idea," he corrected himself. "My longest mission was 20 months to the Lambatta cluster. I don't think anyone in Starfleet can comprehend what it means for you to come home after everything you've been through."

Kathryn nodded. She was surprised that she could talk to him about things she hadn't formulated in months. "I don't know how to work it out and Starfleet's counselors aren't a big help either."

"I'm sure you'll find a way," he said and something in his voice made her believe him.

She nodded, grateful, and smiled at him. "I will. Thank you."

He returned her smile and got back to his food.

Kathryn looked at Chakotay's back. She would love to share her experience of the last one and a half years with him, and listen to his. She was sure they would be able to help each other if only they could spend some time alone to talk and re-establish their friendship.

She shook her head at herself. There was no point in dwelling on it right now because he obviously didn't want to talk to her today. She just had to find another opportunity. And she would, because she would never give up on him again.

=/\=

The party guests were long gone and Kathryn sat alone on a tree trunk in Sekaya's backyard. The stars twinkled above her still form and the growing moon shone brightly through the leaves.

Sekaya had gone inside earlier, bringing Maya to bed and Kathryn began to feel like she had been forgotten. Maybe the little girl was too excited to sleep, she told herself and shifted on her seat.

As happy as the day should've been, she couldn't help but feeling sad. The rift between her and Chakotay was larger than she had expected and if she didn't know him better, she would say he was avoiding her.

Hiding, she thought and frowned, B'Elanna said he was hiding. But she couldn't say whether he did it intentionally. There was something wrong with him, Kathryn felt it. He appeared cold… no, she shook her head. Cold wasn't the precise word. He seemed… formal, distant, like she was someone he only knew fleetingly.

She didn't know why he acted the way he did, though. Never since she had met him all those years ago had he behaved like he was now. It confused and worried her equally and she had a bad feeling in her gut about it.

Aside from Chakotay's strange behavior, there was something else she had noticed. She had found a place where she could calm down and order her thoughts. This village was like a safe harbor in a fast-living world and if Chakotay wasn't being so… formal, she would've asked him if she could spend her leave of absence here. But his behavior towards her, or lack thereof, held her back.

She sighed, her shoulders hung and she took a look at the half moon and saw the lights of the colonies blinking on the dark side.

There had been a time when she wanted nothing more than to travel through the stars, exploring the universe, but now she wanted nothing more than to feel at home again.

Hearing footsteps behind her, she turned her head. A broad figure approached her in the darkness and she shuffled her feet. It seemed that he hadn't forgotten her, after all.

"Sekaya told me you're still here," Chakotay said quietly.

She looked up into his face. "I am."

"I guess you don't want to drive home tonight?"

"I don't know…"

"Do you want to beam back?"

"No."

"Do you want to sleep out here?"

"No," she chuckled but it had a sad ring to it. "And before you ask more, I don't know what I want."

She looked down at her feet and felt his gaze on her. "Kathryn?" he asked questioningly.

She sighed deeply. "It's nothing," she said and waved dismissively with her hand.

"Tell me," he said softly and squatted next to her.

She looked into his eyes and for the first time she saw the gentle man she knew for many years. She took it as a good sign and threw caution to the wind. "I have three months of leave and didn't know what to do with it… until now."

"Oh?"

"I would like to spend it here," she admitted sheepishly.

"Of course you can spend your leave here."

She smiled relieved. "Thank you, Chakotay. But I don't want to sit around and do nothing. Phil told me you're working on a new public house with a transporter station."

"We are."

"I would like to help."

"We could use someone with your expertise."

She started to beam but his face became, to her disappointment, unreadable again and he rose. "I'll talk to Sekaya. You can sleep in her spare room."

Kathryn nodded, taken aback by his response. She had hoped she would stay closer to him, perhaps even at his house. "Thank you, Chakotay," she forced herself to say.

"It's nothing," he shrugged and left.

Dissatisfied, she huffed and looked after him. His demeanor was hard to take but she had the next three months to find out what was wrong with him. If Starfleet granted her leave. But she had no doubt they would.


	4. Shore leave Kathryn Janeway style

Shore leave Kathryn Janeway style

Kathryn was right. Admiral Hayes shooed her out of his office as soon as she said the word leave. Three months. She had three months leave of absence from Starfleet. She didn't recall a time when she had been away from Starfleet for three months before.

She went home and gave Sekaya and her mother a call. Both were happy to hear that Kathryn's leave was granted, and especially Gretchen was relieved that Kathryn had finally found a place where she could rest and relax.

Not that Kathryn had resting and relaxing in mind. She wanted to help the community with their new transporter station. That was her kind of relaxing.

And she wanted to work with Chakotay. She was glad that he had agreed to it without hesitation, and when her bags were packed, she left the apartment with a smile on her face.

The next morning, Kathryn was roused by a loud, happy chattering child. From what she could hear she guessed that Sekaya and Maya were saying their good-bye to Phil as he left for work. If that was true, it must be later than she expected.

She didn't mind, though. A light summer breeze came through the open window and she sighed contentedly as she snuggled deeper into her pillow. She had slept better than she had in years and despite her usual manner, she could stay in bed.

Only that she couldn't, because Chakotay had promised to pick her up and she didn't want him to wait. The fact that Phil had already left meant that she only had time for a coffee and so she rose begrudgingly and walked into the small adjoining bathroom to get ready for the day.

When she was finished, she walked downstairs and found her host family in the kitchen. "Good morning," she said to Sekaya and Maya, who sat at the breakfast table.

"Good morning," Sekaya smiled. "Coffee is on the counter."

"Thanks."

Kathryn poured a cup and joined them.

Maya crawled off her chair. "I made you lunch!" she exclaimed happily and handed Kathryn a lunch basket.

"Thank you," Kathryn said surprised and placed the basket on the table.

"I made one for her and she insisted on making one for you," Sekaya chuckled and took a sip of her coffee.

"That's very thoughtful of you," Kathryn smiled at Maya.

Pleased, Maya climbed her chair and in that moment the front door opened and Chakotay walked in.

"Good morning," he said and tousled Maya's pitch-black hair.

"No!" she squealed, bringing her hair back into order.

"You're ready?" he asked Kathryn.

"Yes."

She drained her cup and grabbed her lunch basket and together they left the house. The sun was shining but it wasn't too hot yet and she swung her lunch basket back and forth.

"I hope there's more inside than just a pot of coffee," he pointed out.

"I don't know. Maya made it."

"She never made me a lunch basket."

"I would think about that," she teased him, nudging him with her elbow.

He didn't follow suit, and she pressed her lips together, not knowing what to say. There was a time when they naturally engaged in playful banter and she missed those easy, joyful conversations. On Voyager, they were a light in dark times, but it seemed that there was nothing left of it.

Staying silent, she walked beside him and to her relief they approached the building site quickly.

"This…," Chakotay gestured at the half finished house. "… is going to be the centre of our community. A place for festivities, gatherings, town meetings…"

"Impressive."

"And…" He guided her to a large door at the right. "… it's also going to contain our new transporter station."

They entered the room and inside a man and a woman inspected components for the transporter. They looked up and Chakotay introduced them. "Kathryn, this is Haley."

"Hi."

Kathryn shook the hand of the beautiful young woman. Her hair was pitch-black like so many people had here, and her brown eyes sparkled with joy and curiosity.

"It's great to meet the infamous captain of Voyager."

"Don't mention it," Kathryn waved her hand dismissively. "It's nice to be here."

"I'm Hank," the man about her age with bright blue eyes and dark blonde hair, introduced himself.

"Hank is our local technology expert."

"That's too much, Chakotay. I'm not an expert. I know a thing or two, so I volunteered for this job. I'm glad you're here though, and I'll be happy to assist you."

"We'll get this thing up and running in no time," Kathryn promised, ready to get her hands dirty.

"I'll leave you to your work," Chakotay said and turned to leave.

"Wait," Kathryn said, surprised. "You're not working with us?"

"No. I'm on the construction team. We're building the rest of the house."

"Oh." Kathryn could barely hide her disappointment.

He frowned slightly. "Something's wrong?"

"No, no. Everything is fine," she forced herself to smile.

He nodded and left, and she needed a moment to swallow her disappointment before she turned to her colleagues. "Well then, let's get started," she said with feigned enthusiasm and clapped her hands once.

=/\=

The next few days were easier for Kathryn. After the initial disappointment she had learned nothing to expect from Chakotay. She focused on her task and soon established a working routine.

She liked the work, it was simple enough to not get stressed out, and demanding enough to keep body and mind occupied. Her colleagues were glad to have her, and she liked working with them. Haley was a bright, talented young woman who was facing her last year of school and played with the thought of joining Starfleet Academy. Kathryn encouraged her to do so, Starfleet would be lucky to have her. Hank was a mechanic and he reminded Kathryn of Tom. He was easy to work with and always had a joke on his lips.

Most of her free-time Kathryn spent with Sekaya and Maya. Maya was so excited that Kathryn stayed at their house that she hardly left her alone. Kathryn liked to play with the little girl and care for her, but every now and then she needed some time alone. Then she went for a walk all by herself and got to know the vicinity.

She could walk for hours, along the lake, across the pastures or through corn fields or the small wood. She was fascinated by the nature around the village and sometimes she took her swim gear with her and went for a swim in the lake. It was healing and she felt better each day.

She would feel even better if she could spend some time with Chakotay. She began to understand what B'Elanna meant when she said that he was hiding. She had only caught a few glimpses of him at the building site, but she had never seen him at Sekaya's house or on her walks. His behavior worried her and he was always on her mind.

When she'd first arrived, the weather was sunny and warm but it was getting hotter each day, and on Friday it was unbearable. The sun was burning mercilessly from a cloudless sky and no breeze blew. The air conditioning system in the new public house wasn't operational yet, so they decided to end work early that day.

On her short way back to Phil and Sekaya's house, Kathryn was covered in sweat. As much as she liked bright and sunny weather, she needed something to cool off. She thought of going to the lake to swim, but the prospect of sharing it with many children and teenager wasn't very inviting.

Arriving at the house, she decided to take a quick shower and changed into a light summer dress. Then she grabbed a bottle of water and her book and went outside to find a nice, secluded spot to rest.

Her knowledge of the neighborhood came in handy, and she could walk the shortest way to the small wood. Beneath the trees it was cooler and she could smell the nearby lake. For a while she heard the delighted shrieks of the children who played in the water but soon it was quiet, and even the birds seemed to need a pause. Coming to a meadow, she lay on the green grass in the shadows of the trees. The grass was cool on her back and she gazed at the blue sky before she took her book and began reading.

She didn't know how long she lay there, but the sun was about to lower itself towards the horizon when she saw Chakotay approaching. Surprised, she laid her book on her stomach and smiled at him.

"Hi."

"Hi."

He didn't explain his presence, he simply sat down next to her. "Enjoying the silence?"

"Very much so."

"I did the same when I came here after the debriefings," he told her, looking at the sky. "It…"

"…rooted you?"

"Yes."

"It is truly a special place," she sighed contently and shifted. "I can understand why you chose to live here."

"It wasn't a difficult decision to make."

She took the opportunity that was opening up and tried to be forthcoming. "Chakotay, what is wrong with you?" she asked and sat up.

"Nothing," he said, surprised. "Why do you think there's something wrong?"

"I can feel it."

"You're seeing things."

She shook her head. "No. Something is different and I want to know what it is."

"There isn't anything different."

"Oh, yes. There is. Don't think I didn't notice it, Chakotay." He didn't respond, so she went on. "You've changed deeply since we got home from the Delta Quadrant and to be honest, I don't recognize you anymore. What happened?"

"Nothing," he repeated and she felt him shutting her out. "We've all changed."

"Yes, but you…" she trailed off and looked closely at him, trying to pinpoint what was different. "Your smile!" she almost shouted.

"What!?"

"You don't smile anymore!"

"Kathryn, this is ridiculous. Of course I smile."

"No," she shook her head. "A small smile, perhaps. But it never reaches your eyes. And since you popped up in my office last month I haven't seen your dimples."

He faced her, surprised. "Kathryn!" he exclaimed, shocked, but she saw a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips.

"Chakotay, please tell me, what is upsetting you?"

"I'm not upset."

"Then why are you hiding from everyone?"

He looked at the horizon and didn't answer.

"You don't want to tell me?"

"There is nothing to tell," he snapped and she knew he was close to leaving.

She stopped asking and laid a hand on his arm. "I just want you to be happy," she told him softly.

She saw him swallowing hard and decided to let it be for now. Quietly, she removed her hand from his arm and laid back.

To her delight, he laid down next to her.

"I heard you're making progress on the transporter," he said after a while.

"We are."

"Good."

She saw him nodding once out of the corner of her eyes.

"I have a great team."

"They like you."

"And I like them. I'm just sad that you aren't working with us," she admitted and looked at him to see his reaction.

He shifted but didn't meet her eyes. "I'm working on the construction team," he said, his voice sounded strangled. "They were short-handed."

Not wanting to pressure him, she held any more questions back and nodded simply.

She couldn't shake her worries, though. She felt that he wasn't happy and she decided to talk to Sekaya. Maybe she knew the reason.

Turning her head away from him, she gazed at the sky and enjoyed having him close for the first time in a very long time.


	5. Is the past still present?

Is the past still present?

Kathryn sat on a bench under an old apple tree in Sekaya's backyard, reading. The events of the previous day had lightened her spirits immensely. She and Chakotay had laid in companionable silence until the sun had set and the moon stood at the sky. He had walked her home and for once she didn't mind that he hadn't told her what was on his mind. She was sure he would tell her when he was ready.

A movement caught her eye and she looked up and saw Sekaya coming towards her.

"Hi," Sekaya smiled. "I hope I'm not disturbing you."

Kathryn put her book down. "Of course not."

Sekaya settled down next to Kathryn. "Phil wants to make a barbeque tonight. Would you like to join us?"

"I'd love to."

"Chakotay will come, too."

"What about his girlfriend?"

Sekaya frowned. "Chakotay doesn't have a girlfriend."

"I thought…"

"Sonora?" Kathryn nodded. "She would certainly want it, like many other women, but I doubt we'll ever see her again."

"Why?"

"Chakotay doesn't put any effort into relationships."

Kathryn paused. Chakotay didn't put effort into relationships? That didn't sound like Chakotay.

"He's a lonesome wolf," Sekaya went on. "He was when he was younger and I'm sure he will be until he dies. But you probably know that," she added and rose.

"I don't know…," Kathryn said. "And to be honest, he doesn't appear very happy."

Now Sekaya paused and thought. "He seems happy to me."

"Really? He doesn't smile, or if, it never reaches his eyes."

"That's Chakotay," Sekaya said with a shrug. "He's an introvert and has never shown his feelings openly. That doesn't mean he's not happy."

Kathryn frowned. It almost felt as if they were talking about two different people. She knew Chakotay as a warm and caring man who showed his feelings. However, Sekaya was right about one thing. He did not only not smile, he didn't show any emotions.

"I have to pick up Maya from a friend. You're okay?" Sekaya asked when Kathryn didn't react.

Kathryn looked at Sekaya and nodded. "Yes."

"See you later."

Absentmindedly, Kathryn stared at the grass in front of her feet and thought about Sekaya's words. She couldn't understand that everyone, especially Sekaya, thought that the behavior was typical for Chakotay. He was a private man, yes, but certainly not a lonesome wolf. He had his fair share of short-lived relationships aboard Voyager. And he had friends among the crew. Many friends.

So why the sudden change after their homecoming?

For the rest of the day Kathryn's thoughts circled around that question. Her concern was greater than before, and after the barbeque she offered to stay at the house and do the dishes while the others went for a late night swim at the lake.

The house was quiet as she stood at the sink, washing the dishes the old-fashioned way. She had never liked it but now she appreciated to have something to do that didn't require much thinking. That way, she could let her mind concentrate on Chakotay.

She had watched him closely today and noticed that he appeared preoccupied, as if something was constantly on his mind. But what?

Perhaps he didn't know what to do with his life, she thought. On Voyager life had been simple, aside from the struggle and the battles, they had only one way to go. Onwards. To Earth. It was a precise goal. When they reached Earth, they had achieved that goal and most of Voyager's crew needed time to adjust to a life in the Alpha Quadrant. While most of them had succeeded, some struggled still.

Like herself, she thought, sadly, and felt more lost than she ever had in the Delta Quadrant.

Not wanting to let the feeling overcome her, she busied herself with drying the dishes and putting them in the cabinet.

It was possible that Chakotay felt the same way, but then why didn't he tell her? It was nothing to be ashamed of; on the contrary, they could help each other working it out.

She was still missing a big piece of the puzzle, she thought as she put the last plate on its place and laid the tea towel aside. So what had she overlooked?

At a loss, she looked absently out of the window over the sink. Chakotay had never isolated himself from Voyager's crew, and certainly never from his best friends. It was as if he was protecting himself from something. But from what she couldn't tell.

She regretted that she hadn't been there for him after their homecoming. If she had, there was a chance that she would now know the reason for his unusual behavior or even have been able to prevent it from happening in the first place. She had been too busy with herself to look after anyone else, though.

Trying another strategy to find the reason for his behavior, she compared him now and on Voyager. On Voyager he had been happy and content, now he seemed… restless.

Breathing sharply, her eyes got wide with shock. Without peace, she thought. He seemed to have lost his inner peace.

In a rush, memories of a faraway planet floated through her; a planet on the other side of the galaxy with an angry warrior who had found his peace. In her.

She put a hand over her mouth and tears began to burn in her eyes. Could it be true? Could she be the reason or was her imagination playing tricks on her?

If she thought about it, it was plausible. Sekaya had never seen him aboard Voyager, especially not during their first years. When they finally made contact with Earth the spark between them had turned into the best friendship she had ever had. But with the transformation something had died in them and it had been hard for her to see the joy leaving his eyes. She couldn't help it, though. She was the captain, responsible for every single life aboard Voyager and even if he hated it, she knew he understood.

Wondering if she really had hurt him that much made her feel terrible, and she sat on a chair and her shoulders hung. She had to find out, she thought, whatever the reason was she had to find out and help him. He had always been there for her and it was time that she was there for him, too.

A smile crept over her face when she remembered the words he said to her on New Earth. He told her that he would stay by her side, make her burden lighter, and that her needs came first. Well from now on, she thought determined, his needs would come first. And maybe she would find her own inner peace in that, too. She certainly needed it.


	6. Helping a friend

Helping a friend (sometimes means helping yourself)

Purposefully, Kathryn walked through the streets. She was a woman on a mission. Her mission was to crack through the wall Chakotay had built around himself and to bring him to talk to her. She knew it would need time, but she had a plan.

Well, it wasn't really a plan but an opener. She wanted to see his home, she had been waiting for an invitation since her arrival, and now she decided to ask him outright. What happened then she would see. But one thing was clear, she wouldn't back down.

Knowing that Chakotay's team worked on the weekend, she approached the building site with large steps. It was bustling and rustling with people but Kathryn immediately saw Chakotay.

"Hi," she smiled.

"Hi," he greeted her, confused, and stopped what he was doing. "What are you doing here? I thought you didn't work over the weekend."

"We don't. I'm here to see you."

"Why?" he frowned.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"I'm sorry," he looked around to his co-workers who were busy. "I don't have time. We need all the hands we can get today."

"That's okay. I just wanted to say that I would like to see your home."

"I can show it to you," he said simply, with a shrug.

His easy agreement surprised her. She had prepared for more of a fight but was glad that she didn't have to push him. "Great."

"We should be done at about seventeen hundred hours."

"I'll be here."

Satisfied, she left him to his work. That had gone much better than she had expected and at exactly seventeen hundred hours she stood at the public house, waiting for him.

She didn't have to wait long. He emerged a couple of minutes later with a group of other volunteers and walked straight to her.

"Punctual as always."

"Starfleet training," she said lightly.

"Kathryn…," he looked down and shuffled his feet in the sand. "I'm sorry I haven't invited you yet. I wanted to but my home isn't special."

His apology touched her and for a short moment he appeared sad and vulnerable.

Her heart went out to him. "It's okay," she said, laying her hand on his arm. "I'm sure you have a wonderful home."

"It isn't. It's… sufficient."

"I doubt that. But why don't you let me see for myself?"

He looked at her and nodded. "Let's go."

They fell into an easy step side by side and she recognized the side street he guided her to. She had walked through it on her walks once but it led to a dead end and she had to turn around and walk back.

The houses on both sides were smaller than Sekaya's but just as pretty. Most of them were log cabins, and she didn't know why Chakotay thought his home wasn't special. She could imagine him in any of them.

They came to the dead end and a small grassy footpath led to the last house in the street. To call it a house seemed too much, Kathryn thought while they walked towards it. It was a small, a _very_ small, wooden cabin that appeared ready to fall apart any minute.

"Here we are," Chakotay said and opened the front door.

They walked in and Kathryn's eyebrows rose. On the inside the house seemed even tinier and she didn't know how anyone could live in here. The kitchen was one long room, barely wide enough to walk through alone, passing someone was out of the question. At its end was a backdoor that led out on a porch behind the house.

A wall divided the kitchen from the living room to the left. It was filled with high shelves full of books, and in one corner stood an old armchair and in another was a spiral staircase. The room was very dark, and Kathryn noticed that there wasn't one window on the first floor. The only light came from the two doors.

Despite the small space, everything was neat and tidy, except for piles of books that lay sprawled around the living room.

"Nice home," she said politely.

"You don't have to say that," he said with a shake of his head. "Want a cup of coffee?"

"Yes, please."

He let her go first and she walked through the kitchen and out of the door. The view that extended before her eyes knocked the air out of her lungs. There was a large meadow behind the house with wild flowers and little shrubs. Bees, butterflies and other insects flew from bloom to bloom and no house, no road or person was in the view. It was pure nature.

To her right, the wood began and somewhere behind, Kathryn knew, must be the lake.

"It's beautiful," she breathed as Chakotay joined her.

"It is," he said and handed her a cup of coffee.

They sat on the steps, drank the coffee and enjoyed the view.

"Did you ever think of extending the house?" she asked after a moment of silence.

"I have thought about it, yes."

"And?"

He sighed and she got the feeling that it wasn't his favorite topic. "I would have to repair it first."

"Why don't you do it? You could build a larger kitchen… and include windows."

"I could…," he said, vague.

"The house has potential."

"I know," he agreed, but his voice was lacking any enthusiasm.

"Then why didn't you start yet?"

He glanced over the meadow. "I never got around to."

No effort, Kathryn thought, he put no effort in things. "Why not?" she pressed on.

"I had a lot to do in the community. They needed my help."

It was a lame excuse, and she knew that he knew it. "I could help you," she offered, sitting up.

He looked at her, surprised. "With what?"

"Repairing the house, extending it," she said with a gesture at the house. "We could do it together."

Something flickered in his eyes, something she couldn't pinpoint, but there was definitively an emotional response.

He hid it as quickly as it had appeared and shifted. "You don't have to."

"I want to."

"I'm capable of doing it on my own," he said harshly.

"I know. I'm just offering to help." She looked at him from the side. "I miss us working together," she admitted.

His eyes met hers. He seemed surprised that she said that but she didn't know if it was a good or bad thing.

"What would you change first?" she asked with enthusiasm.

He sighed and she couldn't help but smile. He seemed to have forgotten how persistent she could be. "It's not that simple. If you start at one thing, there are a whole lot of other things we had to do."

"For example?"

"If we want to put windows in the walls on the first floor we should extend it first. But there's also the roof..."

"Do have a plan how you want it to look like one day?"

"A larger kitchen would be nice."

"What about a study? I saw your bookshelves. You could have an own room for your books."

"It's okay this way."

She rolled her eyes. "But you could have both. A living room _and_ a study."

"I don't need both."

"Why not?"

"One room is sufficient."

"Sufficient is not good enough. You could have it the way you want."

"I don't need more living space," he snapped, his attitude suddenly cold and he rose.

He wasn't making it easy for her, she thought, but she wouldn't be Kathryn Janeway if she gave up so fast.

"Want another cup of coffee?" he asked briskly.

She hadn't finished her first cup but decided that it was a good sign that he offered her another. "Yes, please."

He vanished into the house and she decided to give him the space he needed and stayed quiet. He would make up his mind eventually.

To her surprise, his head suddenly appeared in the doorway and he looked at her. "You really want to help?"

"I do," she said firmly.

He nodded. "Okay then… we could extend the first floor."

She began to beam. "When do we start?"

He shook his head playfully at her enthusiasm and her heart swelled. "When you're done with the transporter."

She nodded her agreement and he went back into the house.

Smiling happily, she couldn't wait for them to start. Luckily, she and her team were almost done with the transporter, two or three more days should do it and then she and Chakotay could begin working on the house. She was glad he had accepted her offer so quickly; she hadn't planned on it but when she had seen his house she knew she wanted to help him making it nicer and homier.

Thinking about it, it was perfect. She would have something to do after they were finished with the transporter and at the same time she would help Chakotay and be close to him.

With delight she realized that her leave finally turned in the direction she wanted to. Be with Chakotay and re-establish their friendship. For the first time since she arrived at the village, it seemed within reach. And that made her very happy.

=/\=

Being realistic and not wanting to be disappointed again, Kathryn was prepared to have to push Chakotay in case he withdrew from her once more. But her concern wasn't justified. When she, Haley and Hank were doing last tests with the transporter, he came to the transporter station, a PADD in his hands.

"I heard you're almost done," he said.

"Not almost," Kathryn corrected him. She stood behind the console and her finger flew over the controls as if she was playing an instrument. "We're…" She pushed one last control with a wide movement of her hand. "… done. The transporter is now fully operational," she smiled and rounded the console. "The staff can move in."

"I'll tell them," Haley said. "It was great working with you."

"Likewise," Kathryn smiled affectionately. "And if you need help with the Academy tests, call me."

Haley nodded and left.

"I'll leave, too," Hank said. "Thanks for your help, Kathryn." He leaned into her and kissed her cheek.

Her mouth opened in surprise but her lips curled into a grin quickly. "Don't let your wife know what you just did," she teased him and slapped his shoulder playfully.

He grinned at her. "Chakotay," he said, passing him, and exited the room.

"I've made some plans for the house," Chakotay said and handed her the PADD.

She took a look at the data. He would have a much bigger kitchen, more living space and the option of extending the second floor.

"Looks great."

"Thanks. If you have any more ideas, let me know."

She nodded. "I'll do that."

She took her lunch basket and they left the transporter station together.

"I have to go back to work." He pointed at the other side of the public house. "But what do you say, dinner at 1900 hours? We could discuss our project then."

Her face brightened like the sun. "I'll be there."

He nodded and she couldn't help but notice the satisfied look on his face. "See you later."

"Looking forward to it."

On her way back to Sekaya's, Kathryn couldn't stop smiling. It seemed that she had broken through the wall Chakotay had built around himself by nothing more than offering her help.

Back at the house, she told Sekaya about their plans. Sekaya was more than a little surprised and almost didn't believe Kathryn. Since Chakotay had moved into the house he hadn't done anything to repair it, not to mention making it homier. She couldn't hide that she doubted that they would really do it, but Kathryn was sure they would.

That evening she and Chakotay sat on his back porch, eating a delicious dinner, drinking a glass of wine and discussing their plans. To be with him like that felt like being at one of their countless dinners on Voyager. She felt as comfortable as she had back then and when they were pleased with their plans she stayed a little longer and drank another glass of wine with him.

The next day, Chakotay ordered everything they needed and thanks to the transporter technology the materials were delivered quickly. He called her and she came over, ready to make her hands dirty.

When she walked around the house, her mouth dropped. The lawn was full of materials. "Do we really need all this?" she asked, half joking.

"Apparently so." Chakotay stood between high boxes, looking around. "We should check the delivery. See if anything's missing."

"Not that it looks like there's anything missing," she said, walking to him.

The corners of his mouth twitched into a small grin. "No."

He grabbed the PADD with his order and they began checking the delivery. While doing so, they brought order into chaos and set up a construction site. His experience from the public house was helpful, he knew exactly what they needed first and what could be stored away for later.

Working together was like Kathryn remembered it. They worked hand in hand naturally and didn't need many words. He seemed to be at ease and she pondered if she should ask him a question she wanted to ask him for a long time.

When they were carrying tools to a made-up work bench, Kathryn stole a glance at him. "Why did you resign from Starfleet?" she asked, trying to sound casually.

Instantly, she saw his shoulders tensing and his guard coming up. "Why do you want to know?" he asked back and she heard the rejection in his voice.

She didn't want to pressure him, but her curiosity took over. "I just wondered," she said nonchalantly with a shrug.

"I don't know…," he said, busying himself with sorting the tools on the work bench. "It didn't feel right to me anymore."

"Because of your time in the Maquis?"

"No." He shook his head and looked at her. "Because of our time in the Delta Quadrant."

She frowned in confusion.

He sighed deeply but obviously decided to tell her the truth. "Out there we had to take care of ourselves," he explained. "We didn't have to report to anyone, we had to make our own decisions. As difficult as it was, it made it unbearable to go back into Starfleet's system."

She nodded her head. "I know what you mean."

"I just didn't want to follow some admiral's orders…"

"Well… thanks."

"I didn't mean you. I mean…" He breathed deeply, put the tools down and straightened. "They offered me a captaincy," he admitted.

"I didn't know that!"

"I didn't tell anyone."

"Did they offer you Voyager?"

"No," he shook his head. "And even if they had, I wouldn't have taken her."

"You didn't want to be a captain?"

"That's right."

"Why not?"

"I felt empty after the debriefings, I needed time for myself. And, to be honest, it felt hollow to even think about staying in Starfleet."

"You didn't want to follow some admiral's orders…," she mused and he nodded. "I know that feeling. That's why I took the promotion." She saw the surprise on his face. "I thought being an admiral meant that I could change things; that I would be in charge. But I can't and I'm not. The system is like a corset, it doesn't give much space."

"You hate your new job?"

"Hate is such a strong word. I… dislike it."

"Did you ever think of doing something else?"

"Phil asked me the same question."

"What did you answer?"

"That I hadn't given it much thought because I don't know what I want to do." She got quiet and looked at him from the side. "What about you? What do you want to do?"

He heaved a heavy sigh. "I don't know either."

"What about teaching? You always wanted to teach."

"That's true."

"Did Starfleet offer you a teaching post at the Academy?"

"No."

"If they had, would you have taken it?"

"I don't know."

"Starfleet Academy isn't the only place where you could teach. My mother taught at various universities in her career."

"I thought about it, but since we're back…"

"You go aimlessly from day to day."

He looked at her, surprised. "Yes. How do you know?"

She shrugged. "Even though I have a job, I did pretty much the same. Until I came here."

He looked down and she could swear she had seen a smile emerging on his face.

"It's nice that you're here," he said.

Her heart skipped a beat. "I'm happy to be here. I missed our talks."

He raised his head, his face schooled again. "Yes. Me too."

She smiled and after a moment, she laid a hand on his arm. "Well, I know you don't want to take orders from an admiral, but I suggest we go back to work."

"I'll make an excuse this time," he said dryly and she laughed as they returned to their work.


	7. A memento brings clarity

A memento brings clarity

Kathryn paused, wiped the sweat off her forehead and took a look at their day's-work. The foundation for the new kitchen was set and staples of logs waited for them nearby to start building the walls.

Before they began with the extension, they had successfully repaired the roof and Kathryn was proud that they got the work done so quickly. Especially because Chakotay still worked at the public house a few hours each day. That gave her some free-time to spend to her liking, and the mixture of hard work and relaxing was exactly what she needed.

Chakotay was still quieter than usual and she didn't know the reason for his strange behavior yet, but she didn't care. All that mattered was that he began to open up to her and that he seemed more settled each day.

The man in question came into view and put his tools on the work bench.

"Ugh, every muscle in my body hurts," she groaned and rolled her shoulders.

"You offered your help," he pointed out and she noticed again that his voice had lost its hard edge and had become much softer.

"I know, I know," she said, stretching her arms. "I just wish I had bathtub. I could use a nice, relaxing bath."

"Sekaya has a bathtub."

"Yeah…," she said and it was obvious that she wasn't satisfied with that.

He looked at her and considered something. She could see it in his eyes.

"Come with me," he said finally.

She frowned, confused, but followed him to Phil's old, shabby workshop without arguing.

She hadn't been there before; whenever Chakotay borrowed something from Phil, he went alone to get it, and now she was curious what was inside.

The doors opened with a squeak and a musty smell came into her nose while her eyes adjusted to the darkness. When they had, she saw a mess. On a large workbench dozens of tools lay around and hanging at a board above. The rest of the space was filled with a lawnmower, some garden tools, and shelves with things Kathryn couldn't identify. She didn't know how anyone could find something in here and she certainly didn't know what Chakotay wanted here.

Knowing his way around, he made his way through the dusty stuff. "Here it is."

She followed him in and he pulled a sheet from a pile of wooden boards.

"Wha…," her question died in her throat. She couldn't believe her own eyes. It couldn't be true. "This is…"

"Your bathtub," he said as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

She put her hand over her mouth and tears sprang into her eyes. "I thought it stayed on New Earth," she said with a lump in her throat.

"I had Tuvok beam it aboard. I took it apart and stored it in the cargo bay," he told her matter-of-factly and turned away to search for something.

She was overwhelmed. Tears rolled down her face. She couldn't believe it. The bathtub he built for her. Here on Earth. In an old, dark and dusty workshop.

To her disappointment Chakotay didn't seem aware of how deeply it touched her. "What are you looking for?" she sniffed.

"Somewhere here… Ah, here it is." He took a PADD from a shelf. "I took notes when I took it apart to be able to put it back together."

He saw her tearful face and averted his gaze. "We should carry the boards to the place where you want me to put it back together. When your leave is over you can take it with you."

She nodded, although she wasn't listening to what he said. "Thank you, Chakotay."

"It's nothing," he shrugged. "It was yours. I only kept it. I should have given it to you months ago."

He took a board and wanted to head outside but she stopped him by touching his arm. "No," she said and locked her eyes with his. "This is very important. _Thank_ _you_."

"You're welcome," he said with a ghost of a smile and left as quickly as he could.

She looked after him, not being able to move. Tears streamed down her face, out of happy- and sadness and she slowly wiped them away.

Her world had just irreversibly changed. It was as if there was a secret lake within her that was frozen over and seeing the, _her_ , bathtub had opened a crack in the ice and all the hidden emotions, the love for Chakotay resurfaced.

She hadn't been aware of those feelings for a very long time, she didn't even know they existed anymore. Now they were out in the open and she knew she couldn't deny them any longer.

It was equally overwhelming as it was surprising. How could she not notice her own feelings? How could she forget the natural attraction she had with Chakotay?

They had been, from the very beginning, like binary stars, circling each other, captured in each other's gravitation, gaining strength from each other.

Now the whole system had collapsed and didn't work anymore.

She wanted that feeling back. She wanted… him.

More tears began to stream down her face and she sat on a small bench and cried openly. She didn't recall the last time she had done that, but she felt that it lifted a shadow off her shoulders.

She sniffed and made hiccup sounds, but she didn't care. She cried for making the decision that stranded Voyager and its crew in the Delta Quadrant, for the many crew she lost, for putting her needs last for the sake of getting Voyager home, and, after all, for having to push Chakotay away from her.

The tears washed the guilt away and eventually she calmed and her breathing became normal. She wiped her face and smiled at the pieces of her bathtub. Never had she expected that something could cause such an emotional response, but she was glad it had because she felt freer, lighter now.

She rose and touched the smooth surface of the wooden boards affectionately, wondering why Chakotay hadn't told her that he kept the bathtub. He must've had a hidden agenda, she thought with a smile and hoped that it was because he still loved her.

She couldn't know for sure and immediately told herself not to speculate. It wouldn't lead her anywhere.

Grabbing a board, she left the workshop and walked back to his house. He was waiting for her and she couldn't help but smile at the sight of him. She didn't want to startle him with a sudden revelation of her feelings, though, and decided to keep her mouth shut as long as he wasn't himself. That way she could also come to terms with the knowledge that she was still in love with him and decide what to do before jumping into action.

With firm steps she approached him and together they looked for a place for the bathtub.

Behind his house was a nice spot under the trees that was surrounded by shrubs, similar to the spot it stood on New Earth. She liked it as soon as she saw it and he agreed on putting it there. Wanting to take her first bath today, she begged him to reassemble it immediately. He was fine with it and while he trimmed the shrubs and mowed the lawn, she fetched the boards and brought them to his backyard.

They needed the whole afternoon and in the evening, when she slid into the warm water, she felt like she was travelling back in time.

The wood, the green land, the peaceful quietness, everything reminded her of New Earth. She could even talk herself into thinking that she and Chakotay were the only two people on the planet because nobody else was close by.

She heard Chakotay bustling in the house and smiled involuntarily. How many times had they had exactly this situation? She taking a bath, he inside their shelter, preparing dinner or going after his hobbies?

Countless times.

She missed those easy days. Perhaps that was why she liked being here so much. It was a simple life, a mixture of New Earth and childhood memories; undoubtedly the most carefree times in her life.

What made it even better now was that she had no responsibilities. She had brought her ship and crew home safely, had no one to take care of, could visit her family whenever she wanted, and, most importantly, she was with the man she loved.

That thought was still new and it sent a flutter through her belly. The man she loved. She expected that the realization would knock her off balance but the opposite was the case. She felt strangely centered and was glad that that her leave was still long. Because that gave her plenty of time to think about her future.


	8. Longing

Longing

"Watch out!" Chakotay yelped right before the wooden panel hit the wall.

Kathryn stopped short, preventing the collision. She ignored the pain in her arms, raised her end higher and moved it into a better angle.

"That's it. Now forward," he instructed and they carefully carried the panel through the front door.

In the new kitchen, they put it down and she groaned and relaxed her arms. They were hurting from the physical work but when she looked around she was quite satisfied by what she saw. The extension was almost finished. It had become a large, sunlit room with several windows and she and Chakotay were already working at the floor.

He shoved the panel against a wall and straightened. "Why don't we call it a day?"

"You read my mind," she said, massaging her left shoulder.

"Want to go for a swim?" he suggested with a smile.

"I'd love to. I just have to grab my swim gear."

He nodded. "I'll wait for you."

If only he had, she thought but scolded herself. She shouldn't be too ungrateful, in the last few weeks he had let down his guard more and more and they successfully re-established their friendship.

It was like it had been on Voyager, they joked and laughed, talked about their lives, about the things they wanted to do and see, about their wishes for the future.

What they never talked about was love and romantic relationships. Kathryn didn't know how to break the topic and Chakotay didn't seem to be interested in talking about it at all.

It made it difficult for her. Since her feelings for him came to life again, friendship wasn't enough for her anymore and she blamed herself for not telling him the truth right away. The longer she waited the harder it got and she was afraid of his reaction and feared that he would reject her.

That he spent almost his entire time with her gave her hope, however, and she was happy that they had begun to do more together than merely working at the house. Whenever he had the time, he joined her on her walks, sometimes they watched Maya together, but what made her the happiest was that they started to have dinner again. That was something she missed the most, just the two of them sitting over a nice meal, talking about whatever was on their minds.

They had never gone swimming together before and excited that he suggested it, she walked to Sekaya's to change. When she came back she wore her swim gear beneath a light summer dress and carried a towel under her arm.

He sat on the steps of his back porch, waiting for her. "Ready to go?"

"Yes."

He grabbed his towel and she wanted to take the shortest way to the bathing spot but he directed her on a small footpath through the trees at his house.

"Where are we going?" she asked, confused.

"You'll see," he said mysteriously.

She glanced at him from the side and her heart skipped a beat. There definitively was a twinkle in his eyes.

The tree line wasn't broad and they emerged on the other side quickly. What she then saw took her breath away. There was a small shoreline with sandy grass, tucked into reeds.

"Your private bathing spot?" she asked, playfully raising an eyebrow.

"You could say so," he chuckled.

"It's beautiful," she said and took a couple more steps towards the lake. The water was calm and glistening in the sunlight and there was no sound in the air except for a light breeze that rustled through the reed. "Do you come here often?" she asked in awe.

"I do. Sometimes I just sit here and think."

She nodded. "I can see why. It's perfect."

"And nobody else knows about it."

"You're very lucky."

He didn't respond and placed his towel on the grass before pulling his shirt over his head.

She turned to him and her eyes widened in slow motion. The sight of his bare chest made her mouth water and she couldn't help but stare. His broad shoulders, his chest, his stomach, everything was well-muscled from the hard work.

She licked her lips unconsciously and became aware that she stared openly at him. Clearing her throat, she raised her eyes and blushed to a deep red when she noticed that he had seen her gaze.

Feeling awfully exposed, she cringed inwardly. That she wasn't undressed yet didn't make it easier, especially because she knew all too well what she was wearing underneath. There was no turning back, though, and so she pushed the straps of her dress over her shoulders and climbed out of it.

She might as well have been naked, it wouldn't make a difference and she wondered why she thought it was a good idea to wear a bikini that didn't leave much to imagination. Usually, she wore a bathing suit that didn't reveal much skin, a custom she had inherited from Voyager, but she had wanted to tease him with her outfit and see his reaction.

She wasn't disappointed. He swallowed hard as he took in the sight of her and for a blink of an eye she saw the same longing and desire in his eyes she felt for him. Her body began to tingle with anticipation but he averted his gaze quickly and the longing and desire was replaced by regret.

She was feeling both happy and sad about his reaction but before she had the chance to do or say something he stepped out of his shorts, revealing his green swim trunks.

"The water shouldn't be too cold," he said and walked into the lake.

Following him, she carefully dipped a toe in the water. It was warm from the summer heat and she walked faster, causing the water to splash around her legs.

A few steps ahead, he dove in head-first and made a few strokes under the surface before coming up for air.

Standing upright, he wiped the dripping hair out of his face and she couldn't stop thinking about how delicious he looked. With rapt attention she watched the water running down his torso and it took everything she got not to jump at him and show him how much she loved him.

He seemed oblivious to her state of mind, sank into the water and began to swim further away from the shoreline.

It took her a moment to shake herself out of her dream-like state and follow him. The water was refreshing and it cleared her head and cooled her body.

He swam at a leisurely pace and she reached him without effort. They swam side by side until suddenly a wicked gleam entered her eyes and she turned around without warning, splashing water at him as she did so.

"Who can make it back first?" she called out exuberantly.

"What?" he spluttered, surprised.

She was already three long strokes away when she heard him coming nearer. She gave all she got but he had his height to his advantage and passed her before she could stand upright.

When she felt ground beneath her feet, she leaped forward and grabbed his arm.

"You're cheating!" he protested, trying to wriggle out of her grasp.

"I'm not!" she laughed between pants but held on to him.

With childish glee, they ran towards the shoreline and shortly before they reached it she let go of him and ran as fast as she could.

"I won!" she exclaimed, raising her arms in the air.

"You cheated," he panted and stopped next to her.

"I… did… not," she laughed, trying to catch her breath and let her body fall to the ground.

He dropped on the grass beside her, laughing a deep belly laugh. Her heart swelled at the sound and she rolled on her side, facing him.

He did the same and they got quiet in an instant. Their faces were only inches apart and as his gaze wandered over her face and down her body, she saw an emotion flicker in his eyes. Devotion.

Her breath caught in her throat and without conscious thought, she drew closer to him. Feeling his breath on her lips, she closed her eyes and before she could think about it, she kissed him.

It was the sweetest sensation she'd ever had. His hand tangled in her hair and she reached around him, pressing her body against his. The feeling of his naked, wet skin against hers sent a shiver down her spine and she pulled him even closer.

Parting for a split second, they shifted angles to deepen the kiss and his hand wandered from her hair down her side, leaving her skin quivering under his touch.

When the need for air was too big they broke reluctantly. He smiled at her and she touched the corners of his mouth softly, feeling blissfully intoxicated.

"You're beautiful," he whispered and she smiled in response.

Suddenly, without warning, his face fell and he put some space between them.

"I'm sorry," he rambled and rose from the ground in haste. "I shouldn't have…"

She sat up, alarmed. "It's okay."

"No, it's not," he said and grabbed his towel and clothes.

"Chakotay," she tried to stop him but he vanished into the trees without another word.

She sat there, lost and alone, and didn't know if she should cry or be angry.


	9. Resolution

Resolution

The next morning, Kathryn went to Chakotay's house with a tight knot in her stomach. The events of the previous afternoon had changed everything. In a blink of an eye, her plan to wait and let him come to terms with himself had evaporated. She had overstepped the boundaries and he had pulled away. What she didn't understand was why, because he obviously wanted the same.

She had searched for him after their encounter at the lake because she finally came to the conclusion that they needed to talk. For real. But she hadn't found him anywhere and now she didn't know what to expect or if he would even be home.

Stopping in front of his house, she looked at it and painfully realized that, even though she had never lived here, she felt at home in that shabby, little house that wasn't so shabby and little anymore, like she only had on Voyager.

And she now knew why.

Chakotay.

Wherever he was, she felt at home and she wanted nothing more than to be with him and take their relationship finally to the stage it was always meant to be. In order to do that, she had to find out what was standing between them and what was holding him back. It wouldn't be easy since he was behaving so enigmatically, but she decided that there would be no more diversion and no more delaying. They had to come clean.

Bracing herself, she rounded the house with firm steps and, to her relief, he was there, standing at the workbench, sewing wooden boards for the floor.

When he saw her coming, he stopped the saw and looked at her.

"Morning."

"Morning," he echoed, his voice even, his face neutral.

"Chakotay…," she started. "We need to talk about what happened yesterday."

He turned away, busying himself with ordering tools that didn't need to be ordered. "There's nothing to talk about."

She laid a hand on his, stilling his movements. "I think there is."

He raised his head. "It was a lapse. It won't happen again."

Her head snapped back as she realized that the tables had turned. On Voyager, she was the one that was shutting him out, who couldn't let anything happen between them. He didn't have the excuse of being the captain, however, and she wanted to know his reason. "Why not?"

"It just can't."

She frowned. "That's no reason."

He sighed heavily but stayed silent.

"Tell me. Tell me the reason why it can't happen again," she said, trying to keep her voice calm.

Still, she got no response from him.

"It seemed to me as if we both wanted the same thing," she went on. "Didn't we?"

She looked at him expectantly and saw that he was struggling with himself.

"Come on, Chakotay, what is it? Why can't it happen again?"

"Because you're going to leave, okay!?" he blurted out loudly. "In a couple of weeks you're going to leave, you're going back to San Francisco, to Starfleet and I will stay here."

Stunned, she didn't know what to say. He was absolutely right. When her leave was over she would return to San Francisco, to Starfleet. There was no question about it. She would like to say that it was different, but she couldn't because it wasn't. It was exactly as he said.

Her silence must have spoken volumes because his face turned cold and he turned away. Her heart ached for him but she couldn't formulate any comforting words.

"I thought I could be just friends with you, but it seems that I can't."

The dismissive tone in his voice made her eyes widen and she feared what he about to say.

"Perhaps it would be better if I finish the rest alone."

His words were like a blow to her stomach and she felt nauseous. "No," she said, snapping into action and grabbed his arms. "Please don't send me away."

She was on the verge of crying but didn't care. All she cared about was that he didn't shut her out from his life. "I'm not sorry about what happened but please, _please_ , don't send me away. I couldn't stand it if you weren't a part of my life."

He looked at her and must've seen her desperation because he relaxed his arms and didn't try to get away. "I don't know if there's a way…"

"There is," she said firmly. "We'll find a way; a way how we can be friends."

Slowly, he nodded, not convinced but willing to try.

Relieved, a strangled sob emerged her throat. "We wanted to prepare a last dinner in your old kitchen tonight before we take it apart. Can we still do it?" she asked, looking at him with watery eyes.

He waited a second before nodding again. "We can."

She smiled and a lone tear ran down her cheek. Letting go off his arms, she wiped it away.

"Why don't we get back to work?" he suggested, apparently wanting to restore some normality.

She nodded her head. "I'd like that."

He smiled a small smile at her and, quietly, they started to work.

Before they could take the old kitchen apart and tear down the wall, they still had some work on the floor to do. While they finished up that work, she mulled over their conversation and tried to think of what she could do to make him feel comfortable in her company.

She didn't come up with anything because anything she could do would betray her own feelings. To be just friends was simply not enough for her anymore, but she didn't want to force him into something either.

That put her in a tough position and she started to get a picture of how he must have felt when he was in love with her aboard Voyager. There was no doubt about how he felt for her, everyone could see it, but she refused to acknowledge it, not to mention talk about it.

Now it was the other way around and she hated it.

Working in the depressing atmosphere, made the day feel very long but it was only mid-afternoon when they decided to call it a day. She went to Sekaya's to shower and change and found him in the kitchen when she came back.

"What are we cooking?" she asked with feigned lightness.

"Mushroom soup."

"Ah, your favorite meal."

"It is."

She stood next to him, watching him chopping the mushrooms.

"Why do you like it so much?"

"My mother used to make it when I was sick."

"Mushroom soup when you are sick?" She wrinkled her nose. "What about chicken soup?"

"I always hated chicken soup."

"My mother used to cook the most delicious chicken soup when I was sick."

He looked over his shoulder and smiled. "You liked that?"

"Very much," she nodded her head.

"I never liked it. And when I became a vegetarian it was out of the question."

"Why did you become a vegetarian?" she asked and stole a mushroom.

"When I was a teenager my father wanted me to join him on his hunting trips. The first time I saw him killing a poor animal made me sick to my stomach and very angry, though. I never wanted to kill an animal on my own and refused to join him on another trip after that."

She nodded in understanding. "So you decided to kill shuttle crafts instead?"

His jaw dropped. "Kathryn! I didn't kill shuttle crafts."

"You destroyed them," she shrugged nonchalantly. "It's the same to me."

He looked at her incredulously and both started to laugh.

Happy to have made him happy, she looked at him with bright eyes. "I want to help," she decided shortly and looked at the ingredients on the counter.

"Are you sure? We want to eat that." He pointed at the food.

"Yes," she said and rubbed her hands together. "What can I do?"

"Fine," he gave in. "You can chop the mushrooms."

He made room for her and took a pot out of the cabinet.

She started to chop the mushrooms with enthusiasm. "I think I could learn to cook. Can you teach me?"

"Don't you think that would be pointless? You're the worst cook I ever met."

"That's why I want to learn it," she refused. "Otherwise I might end up eating your mushroom soup for the rest of my life."

Her words knocked the air out of her lungs and their eyes met in surprise.

"I'm sorry, Chakotay. I don't know where that came from," she said quickly, her heart pounding in her chest. "I didn't mean to imply anything."

He didn't respond immediately and the seconds stretched until he gave her a forced smiled and nodded. "It's okay."

She wasn't sure if he meant it, and she could've kicked herself. Why did she have to destroy any comfortable atmosphere by saying something stupid?

She decided that it was better to keep her mouth shut and wordlessly they returned to preparing dinner.

Since it was an easy meal, they didn't need long and the uncomfortable silence still lingered when they sat at the table on the back porch and started to eat.

The evening was warm and beautiful, but they didn't have eyes for that. He kept looking at his meal while she stole a glance at him every now and then, thinking of something she could say.

Suddenly, without warning, she put her spoon down. "This is ridiculous," she exclaimed, forcefully.

Confused, he looked up. "What are you tal…"

"This… Us." She gestured wildly between them. "We both want the same thing and there's a rather simple solution. I'm staying." He sat back, resisting, but she went on, unimpressed. "I don't want to live somewhere else anymore. I want to live here. With you." She looked him straight in the eyes. "I will resign from Starfleet."

"No, you won't," he said, and she heard anger beneath his calm surface.

"Yes, I will."

"You can't do that."

"Why not? There's no reason I can't do that. And I've made my decision. I want to live here, in this house, with you. But I also want animals. Lots of animals. Dogs and cats and chicken and sheep. Especially sheep! I want a flock of sheep to take care of."

He shook his head and laid his spoon aside. "It's not that simple."

"Yes, it is. I feel better than I have in years. I thought it was this place, but it's you."

He looked at her, quietly begging that she wouldn't say what she was about to say.

"I love you."

He shook his head and pushed back his chair. "Don't say that."

"It's the truth. I realized it when you showed me my bathtub. You must've seen my reaction, my shock."

"I saw it."

"Then please believe me."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

He looked down and suddenly Kathryn understood perfectly. His resignation from Starfleet, his isolation, his strange behavior, everything fell into place and started to make sense.

"Did I hurt you that much?" she asked with a trembling voice.

He exhaled and she knew she was right. Tears began to burn in her eyes and she swallowed past the lump in her throat.

"You did what you had to do," he said. "And it showed me that you and I don't belong together. We have to accept that."

"You don't really believe that, do you?"

"We're from two different worlds," he said, rose from his chair and walked to the railing. "I belong here, you to Starfleet. On Voyager we were forced to be together. Now we're free…"

"Exactly," she interrupted him and rose, too. "Now we're free. Free to do whatever we want. And I want to stay. With you."

"I can't imagine you in a place like this," he said, staring into the distance. "You don't fit in."

"Why not? I grew up around farmers. This place feels like childhood to me."

"You'll get bored eventually."

"I won't. I'll find something that fulfills me."

"A flock of sheep?" he mocked. "You belong on a starship, behind a console."

"I've had enough of that for a lifetime. And I am not on a starship anymore. I sit in an office, doing paperwork. It's boring and I hate it."

"You could find another job in Starfleet."

"I don't want to. Starfleet feels hollow to me since we got back. Hell, my life feels hollow to me since we got back! But when I'm here, it's different. Here, I feel complete. And even the thought of going back to San Francisco, to that cold and empty apartment I used to call home, makes me unbelievably sad.

"I feel that my place is here but I won't beg, and I won't force you, and if you think differently I'll go back when my leave is over and we'll stay friends. But if there's hope for us to be together, let's give it a try. Give _us_ a try. I know I hurt you and I deeply regret it, but now I have the opportunity to make things right… if you'll let me."

He kept staring into the distance and it took all her strength not to grab his shirt and shake the words he was thinking out of him.

Her patience was rewarded and he turned his head, searching her face. "You're serious?"

"I am," she said, dead serious.

He was torn and she could see plainly on his face that he was debating with himself.

"I've tried to get over you since… since New Earth. Nothing I did helped. Now you're offering me what I always dreamed of but I can't stop thinking that as soon as I say yes, you're going to leave. I can't take any more blows from you, Kathryn. I have to protect myself."

"I'm not going to leave."

"How can I be sure?"

"Do you trust me?"

A ghost of a smile graced his lips. "With my life."

"Then trust me."

"This is different…"

"I know. But perhaps you can let me earn your trust; let me show you how sincere I am. I don't take this matter lightly, Chakotay, and you deserve everything from me, no less."

He paused, contemplating her words.

"Wouldn't you miss me if I went back to San Francisco?"

"Of course I'd miss you," he answered right away. "I would miss you terribly. And I know I couldn't stop thinking about you and if you'd met another man who makes you happy."

Something flickered in his eyes, as if his own words surprised him and her belly constricted.

"Sounds like you have experience."

"During the last year and a half you were constantly on my mind. What you were doing, who you were seeing."

"How was that feeling?"

"I hated it."

He breathed deeply and her heart began to pound in her chest as she realized that he had made up his mind.

"I want you in my life, Kathryn, but it'll need time. _I_ will need time."

"That's okay. More than okay. I can wait. I love you, and I want to make you happy."

He looked at her and a genuine smile lit up his face that took her breath away. "I'll hold you to the end of your bargain," he told her and like a curtain had lifted, his eyes twinkled happily.

"You don't have to," she breathed. "You're stuck with me."

"That's nothing new," he shrugged nonchalantly and with each passing second he drew closer to her. "I've been stuck with you before."

Slowly, he raised his hand and touched her cheek softly. Trembling at the intimate gesture, she couldn't keep her eyes off his mouth and when he leaned into her, she beat him to it and kissed him first.

That he responded immediately and reached around her to hold her close, made her knees go weak and as she molded into his arms, she felt his inner walls breaking.

She wanted the kiss to last forever but eventually they parted and he leaned his forehead against hers. "I love you, Kathryn," he whispered. "I never stopped. That's why it was so hard for me to go on."

She took his face in her hands. "I'm here now. I'm staying. For good. Forever."

Her words were like a prayer and they kissed again.

She could easily deepen the kiss and go further but held back and let him set the pace. She was aware of the responsibility she just taken on and she never wanted to hurt him again, so she told herself to be attentive. He had enough hurt for one lifetime.

Breaking the kiss, they smiled at each other.

"Our dinner is getting cold," she pointed out, her voice husky.

He nodded absently, his gaze fixated on her face. "Let's go eat."

Reluctantly, she stepped out of his embrace and as they sat at the table, the uncomfortable silence was replaced by the tingling excitement of something new.

Their conversation ran smoothly now and was only interrupted when they caught each other staring. That heightened the awareness of each other and Kathryn was glad that she wasn't the only one who felt it. Chakotay did, too.

He was more talkative and addressed his thoughts and feelings openly, and she was happy to see the joy back in his face.

When there was no more mushroom soup, she sat back and exhaled loudly.

"Full?" he smirked.

"Yes," she groaned.

He took her hand. "Come with me."

They rose and he guided her on the other side of the porch to his lounger. Lying down, he pulled her with him and she snuggled into his side.

"This is nice," she said, contentedly, and rested her head on his shoulder.

"It is," he agreed and put an arm around her.

The sun had vanished behind the large trees, but it was still warm and birds were singing and crickets chirping.

"It feels like New Earth," she said, dreamily.

"New Earth, huh? I never heard you talk about New Earth before. It almost felt as if you had forgotten."

"Never. And how could I? I wouldn't know you so well if it weren't for those few weeks. We set the foundation for our deep and trusting relationship there. But it was also the possibility of something more that didn't let me forget it. That's why I couldn't talk about it. It hurt too much."

He moved his hand up and down her arm, comforting her.

"This is better than New Earth, though."

"Oh, yes?"

"Yes," she nodded. "We have our families nearby and we know that Voyager is home safe and sound."

"That's right," he said thoughtfully. "The uncertainty was hard to bear."

"We brought them home."

" _You_ brought them home."

"I never could've done it alone."

"I'm glad I could help you. I know how hard it was."

"Sometimes, yes. But we also had many good times; and many good things happened on Voyager."

"Neelix's parties?" he joked.

"For example," she laughed. "But I meant the friendships that evolved, or the way our crew became a family. None of the other Starfleet crews have such a unique bond and I hope that it will sustain."

"It will," he said and there was no doubt in his voice.

"I hope so. Still, we should be checking in on our crew."

"I'd be happy to."

She smiled, glad that he agreed so easily to contact their crew together.

They got quiet and she shifted her head on his shoulder, enjoying the feeling of being close to him.

"Don't resign from Starfleet right now," he said suddenly to her surprise. "Think about it first. You could live here and commute."

"I don't want to go back," she said with a heavy sigh. "I don't want to sit in that office anymore."

"Then find something you care about."

She raised her head and looked at him, the love for him shining in her eyes. "I found it already."

His face broke into a soft and devoted smile and he shook his head slowly. "I can't believe it yet."

"You should. Because it's the truth."

He gazed at her in wonder and trailed her jawbone with his index finger. "I care about you, too. And I love you."

"I love you, too."

Reaching around her, he pulled her body to his and kissed her tenderly. "Why don't you stay tonight?"

She immediately put some space between them. "Only if you feel up to it," she said, serious. "I don't want to put you under pressure."

"You aren't," he assured her and closed the distance again. "I just want to hold you in my arms tonight."

"I'd like that," she smiled and snuggled into his body. "And I promise I'll behave."

"I don't know if I can," he whispered, his mouth close to hers.

Feeling his breath on her lips, her body began to tingle with anticipation. After the previous night's events, she hadn't expected that she would be here tonight, let alone spending the night in his bed. She couldn't be happier, though, and when he kissed her soundly, she matched his heat quickly.

They couldn't take their hands off each other and the kiss got more and more passionate.

Before they could get lost in the feeling, he breathlessly broke the kiss. "Why don't we get your things from Sekaya's place?" he suggested.

She nodded her head, her voice husky. "Let's go."

They rose and he put his hand in hers and linked their fingers. That he obviously didn't care about who saw them made her even happier and on their way she felt like she was floating above the ground, a feeling she hadn't had in a very long time.

Sekaya's and Phil's house came into view and after they knocked at the front door, Sekaya opened it.

"Hi," she said, surprised. "What are you…" Her words died in her throat when she saw their joined hands.

"I wanted to grab my clothes," Kathryn said.

Sekaya frowned, confused. "You're leaving?"

Kathryn nodded. "I am."

"She's going to stay at my place."

Stunned, Sekaya looked at her brother. "She's going to stay at your place?" she asked slowly, not in the slightest able to process what was just happening.

"Yes."

Sekaya didn't know what to say. Speechless, she stood there as suddenly Phil appeared behind her.

"What's going on here?" he asked, curious.

"Kathryn's going to stay at Chakotay's place."

Phil's face lit up. "It was about time! Congratulations!"

"Thank you," Kathryn said, flustered.

"Aren't you surprised?" his wife asked, disbelievingly.

"No, why should I be?"

"Because it is surprising news."

Phil shook his head. "Not to me."

"Don't tell me you've seen it coming."

"Don't tell me you haven't seen it coming."

"I did not," she said, shocked that she indeed hadn't seen it coming.

Phil chuckled and addressed Kathryn. "Go upstairs, get your things."

"Thanks."

Kathryn made her way to the spare room while Sekaya stared absently at the ground, thinking about how she should have noticed.

"I'm an idiot," she said with a slight shake of her head. "There were so many signs…"

"Don't worry. We all needed some time," Chakotay assured her.

She looked up and saw that he was grinning from ear to ear. "I've never seen you so happy," she said, amazed.

"I _am_ very happy."

Her eyes began to shimmer with tears and she took him into a bear hug. "I'm happy for you, too."

"Thank you," Chakotay whispered into her hair and held her for a second before letting her go.

Kathryn came back and he took her bags.

"Thank you for letting me stay at your house," she said to Sekaya and Phil.

"Don't mention it. It was our pleasure," Sekaya smiled. "Do you want to have dinner with us tomorrow?"

"They have to have something else to do," Phil observed, causing both Kathryn and Chakotay to blush.

"Actually, we'd like to have dinner with you for as long as we need to finish our kitchen," Kathryn said.

"We want to take the old one apart tomorrow," Chakotay added.

"I still can't believe you're working on the house," Sekaya shook her head in disbelief.

"I told you."

"You always made excuses…"

Chakotay smiled devotedly at Kathryn and took her hand. "Not anymore."

Fresh tears sprang to Sekaya's eyes and Phil laid his arm around her shoulder and kissed her temple.

"See you tomorrow then?" she asked.

Kathryn nodded. "We'll be here."

Sekaya smiled, pleased, and rested her head on her husband's shoulder as they watched Kathryn and Chakotay leaving hand in hand.


	10. Epilogue

Epilogue: A Memorable Party or The Introduction of Tom the sheep

A flock of sheep grazed in a large pasture behind the house. Trying to escape the afternoon heat, they huddled in the shadows of the trees, unaware that they were being watched.

Kathryn sat on the porch, an abandoned book on her lap, marveling at the sight. She loved living here, with the animals and the nature, and especially with the man she loved.

After they declared their love for each other and she decided to stay, they had gone through a time of adjustment. While both were blissfully happy to be together, Chakotay couldn't shake the fear of her leaving him and pretend none of it had happened immediately. She did everything to make him feel at ease, she was the happiest she'd ever been and hadn't had any intention of leaving, and eventually his doubts evaporated.

He opened up completely then and that was when they began to contact and visit their crew. Everyone was happy to reconnect with their former command team and Kathryn and Chakotay were glad to see them thriving and promised to stay in touch.

Visiting their crew brought them involuntarily closer to Starfleet again, and Kathryn noticed that she didn't miss it and its strict rules but she knew she needed to make a decision about her career eventually. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do, unlike Chakotay who seriously considered taking a teaching post. She thought about going back into science but she didn't put herself under pressure. She had plenty of time and, for now, she was busy enough here.

Since they finished the extension the previous year, the house had now a large kitchen, a living room and, in addition, a study with high shelves full of books. Chakotay made jokes that she had, from the very beginning, designed the house to her expectations so he shouldn't have been surprised that she wanted to move in with him at some point.

When they were done with their own home, he began to build one for her sheep, a small stable with pastures around, surrounded by a wooden fence. She bought five pregnant sheep, and in spring, they had brought eight lambs into the world, stubby, resistant, and very cute little creatures.

She smiled at the lambs. They had grown so much since their birth and as one of them approached its mother, nudged her belly with its nose, and she stopped to let it drink, Kathryn sighed. She had never found something more calming than watching a lamb suckling.

Since they began to nibble at solid food, too, she couldn't resist bringing them treats. But not now, she decided and took her book. It was too hot to move.

Engrossed in her reading, she didn't see or hear a thing until suddenly a voice called out questioningly from beside the house.

"Hello? Somebody home?"

Excited, Kathryn sat up. "Harry? Harry!" she exclaimed. "Is that you?"

Harry walked around the corner and climbed the stairs. "It is me," he grinned, happy to see his former captain again.

"Oh, Harry!" Kathryn jumped from the lounger and hugged him dearly. "How are you? How was the mission? Do you have a girlfriend yet?" She held him at arm's length and studied his face.

He chuckled at her enthusiasm. "Fine. Good. No."

She laughed. "Come on, sit down. I want to hear everything in detail!"

She shoved him to the table and they sat down.

"There isn't much to tell. Life aboard a starship… You know how it is."

"I do," she nodded.

"But it's nice not to be the ensign anymore."

"I can imagine," she laughed. "And the mission?"

"It was a huge success."

"Good," she said, approvingly. "It's just sad you weren't at the anniversary. We missed you."

"I hated not being be there. Actually that's the reason why I came. I have an idea."

"Oh?" Curious, she leaned closer.

"In a couple of weeks another anniversary is due. The ten year anniversary."

Kathryn leaned back and a surge of guilt washed through her body.

"I know it's not your favorite day," Harry said quickly, aware of her feelings. "But it's the day we all met, the day circumstances set the foundation for our family. We can't just let that day pass."

"You're right," she nodded, brave. "What do you have in mind?"

"A party, a get-together. I thought we could rent a ballroom…" He looked around. "But now I think here would be a perfect place for the party."

She looked at her huge garden. "It is a place for a party…"

"So what do you say?"

"I would love to see our crew."

"I bet a lot of them feel the same."

"It's just… I have some very bad memories of that day."

"Well then, let's make some new ones, some happy memories."

She smiled at him with tears in her eyes and cupped his cheek with her hand. "I don't know if I can, but I'm willing to give it a try."

Harry returned her smile and Kathryn dropped her hand and pulled herself together. "Okay," she said, clapping her hands once. "We need a plan. Why don't we call Tom and B'Elanna? I'm sure they would love to help us."

Harry nodded. "Good idea, Captain."

"I'm not your captain anymore, Harry," she told him.

Harry blushed to a deep red. "I'm sorry, _Admiral_."

She cringed. "Please don't call me admiral."

"You didn't resign, did you? Rumors have it you turned your back on Starfleet."

"I'm still on sabbatical and I don't know if I will come back. But I certainly didn't 'turn my back on Starfleet'."

He nodded, glad. "So what should I call you?"

"Kathryn."

"I can't do that," he shook his head vehemently.

"Of course you can. Do it," she encouraged him.

"No."

"Come on. Give it a try."

"I don't think I could ever do that."

She laughed throatily. "You'll adapt."

"Never."

She laughed even more. "You'll find a way."

"I don't think so," he laughed with her.

"One day, you can," she assured him.

"If you say so… Ma'am."

He said it with a happy twinkle in his eyes and she was reminded that he wasn't a bit that green ensign anymore she had taken aboard her ship all those years ago. She was very proud of what he had become but he still earned a playful death glare for his 'Ma'am'.

The front door rattled and Chakotay's voice echoed through the house. "I'm home."

"On the back porch!" Kathryn called out. "And keep your clothes on. We have company."

He came out, his head tilted to the side. "That was one time!"

"And Phil got a pretty good view." She nodded towards his midsection.

"It was embarrassing enough, it'll never happen again."

"Too bad."

He bent down and kissed her.

"Harry!"

"Nice to see you, Chakotay," Harry said, somewhat flustered by what he just witnessed.

"How is our favorite Starfleet lieutenant?" Chakotay asked, giving Harry a friendly pat on the shoulder as he rounded the table and sat down.

"Pretty great. I just came back from the deep space mission."

"Harry, tell Chakotay about your idea," Kathryn said, rising from her chair. "I'll call Tom and B'Elanna. Maybe they have time to beam over here now."

She made her way inside and Harry told Chakotay of their plan.

"I like the idea," Chakotay said. "What did she say?" He nodded towards the house, implementing Kathryn.

"She still struggles with the memories of this date, but she likes the idea, too."

"Good. I'm glad you asked her. I didn't know how to break the topic of that date."

"It's tough for her."

"Very," Chakotay agreed.

Kathryn came back and sat down. "Tom and B'Elanna are on their way. When Tom heard about what we want to do, he couldn't be stopped."

"Poor B'Elanna," Harry said.

Kathryn waved her hand dismissively. "She's looking forward to see you."

"I'm looking forward to see her, too."

"You can't imagine how big Miral is," Chakotay said.

"Oh, I think I can. I received many, _many_ , pictures during the last year."

"They like to share," Kathryn chuckled.

"They do indeed," Harry grinned.

It didn't take long before Tom, B'Elanna and Miral arrived. Harry was astonished at how much Miral had grown, pictures or no pictures.

They talked about their lives and didn't get to the actual planning and when Miral thought it was boring, she picked leaves and blooms Kathryn told her the sheep liked.

With her small hands full, she walked to Tom.

"Daddy…" She held up her hands with the leaves and blooms. "Can we bring them to Tom the sheep?"

Tom lifted Miral into his lap. "Of course, Sweetie."

" _Tom the sheep_?" Harry raised his eyebrows.

"Kathryn allowed the children to name each a lamb. Miral…" Tom wriggled his knees so she bounced up and down and the little girl squealed in delight. "… decided to name a male lamb Tom. To not be confused he's called 'Tom the sheep'."

"There's also a 'Commander the sheep'," Chakotay chimed in, rolling his eyes.

"I named him," Kathryn grinned and nudged Chakotay with her elbow.

To see his former command team engage in a playful banter made Harry happy and he smiled, amused.

"Tom the sheep makes nonsense all day," Kathryn told him. "Since he found out how to escape, we have to pick him up somewhere else every day."

"I guess you found the right name for the lamb, Miral," Harry teased and Miral smiled, pleased.

"Wanna come see Tom the sheep?"

"I'd love to."

Miral looked with her big brown eyes at B'Elanna. "Mommy too?"

"Sure."

"Go," Kathryn said. "I'll grab a PADD and then we can start planning our party."

The four of them rose and Chakotay took Kathryn's hand when the others were out of hearing range. "You're really okay with this party?" he asked quietly.

Nodding, she looked at him. "I am."

He searched her face.

"It's not my favorite day," she admitted under his scrutiny. "But I'd love to see our crew."

"If we do it here we can't sneak away."

"I don't need to sneak away," she assured him and touched his face gently. "You don't have to be concerned. I'm really fine with it."

Suddenly Tom jogged up to them. "I hate to interrupt. But Tom the sheep is gone."

"Again," Kathryn sighed.

"I suggested a forcefield," Chakotay pointed out playfully. "You didn't want it."

"I know. I wanted to get away from technology but I'm beginning to regret that decision."

Laughing, he patted her thigh and they got up to search for the missing lamb together.

=/\=

The ten year Voyager family party was a huge success. Nearly every one of Voyager's former crew was present in Kathryn's and Chakotay's backyard, including their families and loved ones. To be safe, Tom suggested putting up large tents, but the weather was fine and the adults were sitting outside, enjoying the warm summer evening, while the children were playing between the newly planted fruit trees. There was plenty to eat and drink and everybody had a great time.

Kathryn had only caught glimpses of Chakotay all evening. They were mingling through the crowd, chatting with the crew and their families, but when the sun stood low over the horizon, he came to her and took her elbow. "Would you…," he inclined his head to a quiet corner.

She nodded her head and followed him. "What is it?" she asked.

"I…," he stopped and looked down at his hands.

Something was on his mind, and she was concerned by his uneasiness. "Chakotay?"

He looked up and smiled at her. "You look beautiful tonight."

She wore a white summer dress, in her hair a white flower she got from Maya.

"Thank you," she smiled widely. "You look quite handsome yourself."

He grinned at her, his eyes shining with love and affection. "I wanted…," he stopped again and played nervously with his fingers.

"Is everything all right?"

"Yes, it's just…" He looked around to see if someone was watching them and took her hand. "Come with me."

"Chakotay…," she said, looking back as he led her through the trees to the lakeside. "We can't leave."

"We'll be right back."

At their secret spot at the lake, he stopped.

"Would you care to enlighten me what we're doing here?" she asked, looking around the place where they spent many blissful hours for a sign.

He nodded and took a deep breath. "I need to do something important."

She frowned, confused.

Holding her hand firmly in his, he dropped to one knee and her breath caught in her throat. "Kathryn, I never thought I would be so lucky and meet anyone who is as passionate, loveable and caring as you are. I know we've been through a lot in the past but I never stopped loving you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you…"

He paused, gathering his courage, but she couldn't hold back.

"Yes!"

His face broke into a grin. "I didn't ask yet."

She cleared her throat. "Sorry. Go on."

"Kathryn Janeway, will you marry me? Will you make me the happiest man alive?"

"Yes," she nodded her head with emphasis. "Oh, yes, I will!"

He smiled relived and took a ring out of his pocket and slid it onto her finger. Then he jumped up and kissed her soundly.

"I know you're not into long-time engagements, so what do you say about getting married now?"

"Now?" she asked, surprised.

"Owen can marry us. We could do it here, alone, or in front of our family and friends."

Tears sparkled in her eyes. "Here. With Mom, Phoebe, Sekaya and Tom and B'Elanna."

"I'd love that," he agreed and kissed her again.

After a second, she broke the kiss. "Come on," she said in a hurry and dragged him back to the party. "Let's get married."

He laughed and knew better than trying to stop her.

They found Owen and quietly asked him to officiate their wedding. He was honored to do so and without causing suspicion, they stole their witnesses away from the party.

The ceremony was short and moving. Sekaya and Gretchen cried at the happiness of their loved ones and even Tom stifled a sniff when his father made a wonderful speech about love and never giving up hope. Kathryn had the distinct feeling that Owen had prepared himself and she glanced at Chakotay, but his face gave nothing away.

When Owen finally declared them husband and wife they kissed just as the sun touched the water behind them.

Blissfully happy, they made their way back.

"Where do you come from?" Harry asked, confused, when he saw the group emerging from between the trees.

"Oh, we were just…" Chakotay looked at Kathryn.

"We were just getting married," she said joyfully, holding up her hand with the brand new wedding ring.

Harry's jaw dropped. "You got married!? And I wasn't there…"

"Come on, buddy." Tom laid his arm around Harry's shoulders. "I'll get you a drink."

"I mean… it was my idea to throw the party. Shouldn't I have been there then?" Harry protested but Tom shoved him to the bar.

"Stop complaining. We're celebrating now!"

With warp speed, the news of the marriage spread around and Kathryn and Chakotay received congratulations and best wishes. The crew was over the moon and requested a first dance. Reluctantly, Chakotay offered Kathryn his hand and they entered the dance floor.

"It's the happiest day of my life," Kathryn smiled at him, swaying to the music.

He opened his mouth to say something but held back.

"What?" she prompted.

"You do know what date it is?"

"I forgot!" she realized, tilting her head away from him. "It's like Harry said," she smiled. "I have to make new, happy, memories."

He ran his hands up and down her back and she rested her head against his shoulder.

"You're a great dancer."

"I'm not."

She chuckled against him. He was the lousiest dancer she knew. But she was too happy to care.

On the other side of the garden, B'Elanna inspected the buffet table when something caught her eye.

"Tom! Your namesake is eating the lettuce!" she called out furiously.

Tom saw Tom the sheep stealing one lettuce leaf after the other. He wasn't eating them and a pile of leaves lay at his feet.

Sneaking up to him, Voyager's former helmsman grabbed the lamb like a cowboy and carried it away.

When Tom came back, Kathryn was standing next to B'Elanna.

"I brought Tom the sheep into the stable," he told them. "He can't get out of there."

"All alone?" Kathryn asked.

"Yeah."

"Get him out. Or at least put his mother and sister with him. He can't be alone."

"You put me in isolated confinement once," Tom pointed out.

She lowered her head and glared at him. "You are not a sheep."

"Okay, okay, I'll get him out. Come, Miral, we get Tom the sheep out of the brig."

He lifted his daughter into his arms and left to bring the lamb back to the other sheep.

After doing so, they joined Kathryn, who stood next to the dance floor.

"Tom the sheep is back where he belongs," Tom said.

"Thank you."

"Can he stay forever?" Miral asked.

"I'm afraid that's not possible."

"Why not?" Tom whined, and Kathryn wondered who the two year old was, Tom or Miral.

"If I keep him, he needs to be castrated," Kathryn pointed out.

Instantly, Tom's legs snapped together. "I guess he have to leave then…," he told his daughter.

"But don't worry," Kathryn addressed Miral, tapping the little girl's nose. "I'll make sure he'll live a happy life and doesn't end up on anyone's plate."

Miral nodded her head, her eyes bright. Seeing her Mommy she wriggled out of Tom's arms and ran to B'Elanna.

"Ever thought of having children?" Tom asked when he saw Kathryn looking after Miral with a longing glance.

"I gave up on the idea of having children long ago. And we're happy. Very happy." She touched the ring on her finger and smiled widely, leaving no doubt that she was happy. "We love the life we share now."

Her eyes found Chakotays who danced with Phoebe and they smiled at each other.

"Never even talked about it?" Tom asked softly.

"Of course we did. But we came to the conclusion that we had waited too long. The time for having children has passed."

Tom nodded at her, accepting her answer. What Kathryn didn't expect was, two months later, a Doctor's appointment would teach her otherwise.

For now, she smiled at Tom and he offered her his arm. "May I have a dance with the bride?"

Her smile turned into a radiant beam and she took his arm. "You may."

They laughed and joined the others to celebrate until the light of the new day.

 _The End_

* * *

 **A/N: I want to thank you all for reading and the reviews you wrote! I appreciate every single one :)  
**


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